Weak moment and being stupid

I has been about two weeks since Randi told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. Since then, I have ignored at least 100 of her texts, countless emails, and countless calls on Skype. I don't want to deal with her, I am done dealing with her, and I am moving on with my life. So, yeah, that didn't work out so well for me.

I flew in to Idaho Falls last Thursday for some well deserved time off. I actually get 10 days off, 7 of which are paid vacation. I haven't been home a whole lot, and when I am, it's usually only for a couple of super-ass busy days.

So Friday, I am sitting home alone, doing laundry and talking on the phone with my friend Shelby when my fucking laptop starts ringing. Yeah, guess who? I ignore like I always do, but this time she leaves me a video message. (She has left them before, but I have never once watched them). This time, for whatever reason, I told Shelby I would call her back, and watched the video.

Seeing Randi in tears broke my heart. She was begging and pleading for me to take her back, told me how much she loved me, and that she only said what she said because her parents suspected her of being bisexual and having a relationship with me, and that scared her. Now that she has her wits about her, she has told her parents that she loves me, and that it breaks her heart every day when I don't return her calls or texts or emails.............sob sob sob. The first time I watched it, my still cold heart felt nothing.........I turned it off, and went to go call back Shelby. My mistake was watching it again.

When I felt my eyes welling up with tears, I knew it was too late. I called her back and after 3 hours of talking, I told her that I would buy her a place ticket to come out to Idaho Falls. She told me that she already had bought a plane ticket and was going to come out and see me regardless if I answered the phone or not. She said she already had my address and was just going to keep knocking on my door until I answered.

I picked her up at the airport Friday evening, and we spent that whole night in each others arms, crying like little bitches.

I am so in love with her, and I just don't know what to do.

Randi broke my heart..........almost.

I haven't updated in a while, and although there are many reasons and excuses, I will not bore you.

So, yeah, Randi damn near broke my heart. We have spent the last 3 weeks emailing, chatting, cybering (is that even still a word that people use?), skyping (the good kind where we both get naked and talk dirty and do things with toys), and spending 5 nights together. I travel a ton, and she doesn't. But I have money to spare, so on 2 occasions I have bought her airline tickets to come see me. I was seriously falling for her, and thought she felt the same way for me.

Yeah.......I was wrong. Come to find out, she was only with me "to experiment" with her naughty side, and when it came right down to it, had grown tired of me and our fun, and for lack of a better word "broke up" with me with a text.I spent the next day crying like a little bitch, feeling sorry for myself........wanting to crawl in a fucking hole and die.

That was last Wednesday. I fucking hate that bitch now......I mean we said some stuff to each other that should not have been said, when she knew full well that she was just fucking me. I guess girls can do the same shit as guys when it comes to fucking and leaving.

I am feeling better about myself now, but I still tend to do some destructive shit when I am feeling down. I have been drunk 3 out of the last 5 nights. I did something else stupid, but I don't want to relive that by going in to again.

Anyways, back to work I go.

Sometimes you have such an amazing night, that you have to tell someone.

At the end of June, I met an amazing woman. Some would call her a "girl" because is just turned 19. Her dad is the VP of an auto auction company, and since I met her at the show in June, I have had the pleasure of getting to know her a bit better the 4 times we have been at the same shows since.

Her name is Randi and in every sense of the word, is "Model Gorgeous". The first time we met, it was only in passing, and my first impression of her was the one you might expect. She was nothing like I pictured her being. When we met again a couple of hours later, it was her that approached me, re-introducing herself, and apologizing for being distracted when we met before. And it was her that actually told me how gorgeous I was. I know I am "better than average", but being as modest as I am, thanked her, and returned the compliment.

Over the next 2 hours, we talked about everything from cars, to politics, to football (Her dad is an alum for Alabama, so you can imagine how that conversation went. LOL). I ran in to her the next morning again, and when I had everything taken care of for the day, we hung out until I had to take some people to dinner. We exchanged phone numbers, emails, etc. and she flew out the next morning.

It was 2 weeks later when I ran in to her again. You would have thought we were long-lost lifelong friends when I ran in to her. She gave me a big hug, apologized for never calling or texting or anything, and I apologized for the same. For the next 4 days, we hung out a ton, and I was really starting to feel like I had found a lifelong friend. Talking about sex never came up until we met up at the next show.

We went out to dinner together, and while sitting on the beach watching the waves roll in, the topic of sex came up. She told me her sex background, I told her mine. Never once did I mention that I was a lesbian, I didn't want that to be brought up. That was until she asked me if I had ever been with a girl. Before I could answer, she told me of her exploits with High School friends, party friends, and random girls. That was when I told her what I was. She wasn't bothered by it at all, and I was happy about that.

After we walked back to the hotel, she kissed me goodnight. It was all very innocent, but it piqued my curiousity. We met again the first week in August, and each time we left each other, I got another hug and innocent kiss. We were now texting and calling each other regularly, and skypeing almost every night.

I got here last night and so did she. She met me in my hotel room where we were gonna hang out, watch movies and get pizza. Only this time, she kissed me when she saw me. I don't know if it was intentional, or just an accident, but the kiss lingered for longer than it normally does. When she pulled back, our eyes met and we held that gaze for a few seconds. She then kissed me again, and this time we involved our tongues.

The rest of the night, we got to know each other more intimately that you can even imagine. I have never felt such a longing to be even closer, kiss even longer, hug even tighter than I did last night. And I know the feeling was felt by her, because at one point in the night, as we lay holding each other, she whispered to me "I think we have something here.......I think I may be falling in love with you." My heart swam with excitement and I told her that I felt it too, and that I was thinking that I loved her too. We made passionate love until the wee hours of the morning, whispering our love for each other over and over again.

We showered together this morning, and when I had to leave, my heart sank. I wanted to spend all day with her, be with her, next to her...........I love her. But work calls for both of us. We are meeting together tonight. I can't wait to see her again.

Once again, I have fallen behind in my duties..................ha ha

I have said it before, and I will say it again............I write this blog for my personal pleasure. And personal pleasure is something that I haven't had too much of lately. I still love my job, but the more I have done it, the more I find that I should be doing............I am logging 12 to 16 hours a day 4-7 days a week, and that doesn't even begin to take in to account the work stuff that I do on my own time. I have seen a lot of this great United States, and have met some very cool people. One of which was Katherine.

I met Katherine last Monday. Katherine was a guest speaker at a conference that I was working. She is 37 years old. I had gone to bed at around 7:30 on Sunday night, so I woke up wide awake at 3:50. After taking a nice leisurely shower, taking extra time with my hair and makeup, and then watched the early early local news. I was downstairs in the coffee shop a little before 6.

I had only briefly met her the day before when I met her in the lobby of the hotel to make sure she got checked in, so I was surprised when she came up to my table and asked to join me. We chatted over breakfast (which she refused to let me buy), and continued chatting as we drank mocha's out by a fountain smoking cigarette after cigarette.

We only stopped when I had to excuse myself to meet some people at the conference. As I walked away, she grabbed my hand and asked if she could see me later. I said yes, called her so she had my number in her phone and left.

It was 7ish when she called me and asked if I wanted to join her for dinner. I politely declined because I had just had a salad delivered with room service, but told her that I would be interested in having a couple of drinks if that were okay.

That damn dream

I can't get my dream out of my head. I don't know how to explain it, but I miss her, and don't even know who she is! I remember feeling this attraction to her that I have never ever ever felt before, and when we kissed, I felt something. A real something. I want to meet her, and have found myself scanning the crowds today for her. I don't really know what she looks like, but maybe when I see her I will know. Or maybe it was just a dream and I am being stupid.

Had a cool dream last night..........

I had a cool dream last night. I don't know who the mystery woman from my dreams is, but I can tell you that she has sandy blonde hair, about shoulder length, has a small frame, and wore perfume that was intoxicating. We were working together, and we were working very closely. I don't know how I know, but I knew she was married. There was this fierce sexual tension between us and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. At one point, while I was sitting down, leaned around me to grab something, and her neck ended up very close to my mouth. I whispered to her that she smelled really good. She then moved in closer to me, askin how good she smelled. I told her that she smelled too good, and fighting control, moved away. We were alone in this conference room of sorts, so she gets right up in my face, our lips just an inch apart, and asks me what I am thinking. I remember trying to act professional, all the while wanting to kiss her..................

The next thing I know, we are in a room and we are kissing. I ask her about her husband, and she doesn't answer...............we are too much in to each other. We are still clothed at this point, but my hand is down her pants fingering her pussy that was so wet, it had soaked through her jeans. But there was someone in the room watching us, and I know it wasn't her husband, it was someone that I knew, and I didn't get the feeling that they were watching in like in a gross way, I felt like they were watching just to watch.

Then, I am laying on my stomach and she is kissing the back of my legs. I was just laying there, talking to this other person like it was a normal thing...........then she stuck her finger in my butt. Now, if you are a constant reader of this, you know my fascination with anal...........But in my dream, although I didn't hate it, it was unexpected and I remember saying to the person in the room, "This chick is kinky!"

I remember telling my new lover that I had to go pee.............and I woke up. The ONE thing that sticks out in my mind more than any other part of the dream was her leaning in next to me, her hair brushing past my lips, her neck close enough to kiss and smelling her sweet perfume. I can't get it out of my mind.

Vegas, always interesting.

Been in Vegas only a couple of days, and the list of what I have seen makes me wonder why I don't live in this wonderful town. I have seen a hooker having sex with a guy in a wheelchair in the back alley area of a casino, watched a group of cops chase a naked man down the street and tackle him, saw 2 guys on the hood of a police car while a drug dog sniffed through their car, watched a lady old enough to know Abraham Lincoln win over a hundred thousand dollars on a slot machine, watched a guy argue with his wife on the phone because she saw a picture of him on facebook at a strip club, watched a drunk guy spill 3 racks of silver dollars on the floor and then struggle to pick it all up...........................What a wonderful place! Not to say I haven't had a good time. One of my Vegas coworkers is 3rd generation local, and took me on a big tour of Vegas last night. It's odd, when I think of Vegas, I think of all the casino's, strip clubs, bars, etc. But she took me to some places that make you forget that your in Las Vegas. There are some very nice areas, but they all seem to be right on the edge of areas that would make your skin crawl. Tomorrow night she is taking me out to a few places, and then Saturday I am meeting up with Lorie to go to her "Hollywood" party.
Oh yeah, before I forget.............I seem to have pretty good luck at casinos, and last night was no exception. I was waiting on the casino floor to go to dinner, and was sitting at a dollar poker machine. I was only playing a dollar at a time, and I think I got it up to like $8 or something. I hit a full house and got it up to like $25. I was blindly playing, just watching all the people, only barely paying attention when I got dealt 10, J, Q, A of clubs. I just KNEW I wouldn't hit the royal, hit the deal button and turned around to see what all the hootin and hollerin was behind me. I sat there watching this couple going crazy over something, when I noticed that my machine was also making a ton of noise. I turn around to see the K of clubs that made my royal flush. I won $1025, and had I been doing the max bet, would have been the progressive jackpot of $13000 and some change. Still fuckin cool.

Random text messages!

So, since last week, I have been getting a bunch of forward texts from a number I don't recognize. Because this cell phone is fairly new to me, and has a Las Vegas number, it's not much of a stretch to think that this person is texting someone that used to have this number. I have never responded to the texts, and although most of them were pretty harmless "jokey" kind of texts, a few have been downright gross, albeit funny. Each time I get one, I tell myself that I am going to respond and tell them that whoever used to have my number, doesn't have it anymore. But every time I get one, I am not in a position to stop what I am doing to answer the random text. That is until last night. So, I get a text askin what I was doin from that number. I was bored so I answered back.

THEM: hey watcha doin?
ME: nuthin, just chillin. andu?
THEM: same same. havent seen u in a while
ME: ya been busy
THEM: we shud get 2gether
ME: maybe but i got a lot goin on
THEM: like what?
ME: just stuff?
THEM: what kinda stuff?
So at this point, I really don't know if I am talkin to a guy or a girl. My guess, I am talkin to a guy, but I try to find out.
ME: workin, playin
THEM: oh. So lets get together
ME: cant. im outa town
THEM: where?
ME: outa town. u askin for a booty call or sumpin
THEM: ya right, like you have such a great dick i gotta have u. jus wonderin
THEM: whatever. 
ME: u jus askin a bunch of questions like u was checkin up on me
THEM: u really outta town?
ME: yeah. u should send me a pic
THEM: what 4? u got plenty of them from b4
ME: ya buts that been a while
About ten minutes go by and nothin. The game has already lost its appeal, and I am now bored with it anyhow. Then I get another text. I open it up, and it is this little EMO chick with zebra hair taking of pic of herself in a bathroom mirror. She was nice to look at, but now I feel bad. I just get ready to text back, when I get another, then another, then another, then another. 6 more pictures in all. I saw enough of her to damn near give her a gyno exam.
ME: thanx for da pics
HER: yep, now ur turn.
ME: I can't. I don't even know u. 
HER: what?
ME: I don't know you. Whoever you think has this number is not who has it now
HER: whatever weener!
ME: No really, my name is samantha. 
HER: really?
ME: ya. sorry i was bored
HER: really? really?
So I took a picture of myself and sent it to her, and never got a text back the rest of the night. It was pretty fuckin hilarious to be honest with you. I did kind of feel bad for a second, but that feeling has past.

Only a few minutes today

I wanted to answer a couple of comments.

First, my blog is not fiction. With that said, I will admit that there are some things that I will add that help the "story" flow better. I don't exactly carry around a recorder so I can transcribe each and every conversation during the day and mark down a timeline of exactly when things happened. I write my blog for myself, and it is awesome that people read it. But I have been independent and alone for most of my adult life. I have no parents, no siblings and only a few close friends. This blog is my way of talking to someone about my day, and it helps me in ways that I can't even describe. I would like any new readers to go back to the beginning and start reading there. It will tell you a lot about me.

As far as me getting horny when I work out........................I still find it interesting that working out is one of the many strange things that will arouse me for no good reason. The list is too long to put everything down, but here are a few more things. The smell of LoveSpell on someone else, walking in the rain, smelling freshly shampooed hair, slightly damp hair, the coolness of skin after being wet or swimming...............so yeah, whatever. LOL.

I have another poll question for you: Now this question is not for everyone, so only answer if you have a good comment. I will explain the reasoning for my question after..........
Does watching two people of the same sex having sex turn you on? What if those two people are the same sex as you? What if they are the opposite sex of you?
Here is the reason I ask. I was put in a position last night to watch two guys having sex. I was having coffee in a coffee shop, doing some work when 2 guys struck up a conversation with me. Somehow it turned to sex, and I found out that these 2 men were a couple. Then it came up that it would be hot if I were to watch them have sex. (Their idea). At first it was said jokingly, but half an hour later, it became more serious. I honestly thought about it, but also thought it was weird that they asked. I declined their offer, and a few minutes later we parted ways. When I got back to the hotel, I thought about it more. I watched a couple of emo-boys kind of have sex at a party a long time ago, but it was weird and it felt odd. So, I watched a gay porno last night. The first one I clicked on was a couple of hairy dudes and that turned my stomach. Then I happened upon one of a couple of muscle type guys in the shower. It didn't exactly turn my stomach, but it did nothing for me. The last video I clicked on was of two guys in their early twenties probably and it was pretty hot. When they got to licking each others asses, that was fucking gross, but everything else was kind of okay. It looked like they were genuinely "in to each other" and liked what they were doing. It didn't really turn me on, but it got the juices flowing, and I clicked off of it thinking that I should have taken them up on their offer. I HAVE A WEIRD FUCKING LIFE!

Hello peoples!

The previous post was just published. I forgot to post it before I left last Sunday, and today is the first chance I have had to get on here.

I have been texting Amy a little this week, and we have spoken on the phone a couple times (mostly short coversations), but each time I talk with her, it feels a little forced. I can't explain it yet. I guess I will wait to see how things go the next time I visit her.

I have been meaning to get on here and continue my story about Amy, but I just haven't been in the mood, and to be honest, I don't know if I will. So, something happens in my life and I want to talk about it. There is this little honeymoon period in my head where everything is fresh, fun, and worth talking about. Then, life gets in the way, and I lose interest in sharing. Sorry. I may change my mind, or something may jog my interest in continuing my story.

So, with that said, I have been having a great time. I spent Monday and Tuesday in Maine at a Trade Show, and Wednesday I flew to Houston. I fly out of Houston on Monday and go back to Vegas. I spend 2 days in a seminar for work, and then I help out some associates with a BIG show there locally. I go to another training class for 3 days, have a couple of days off, then I get to fly to NEW YORK CITY!. I am pretty excited about that one. (It's a boring convention, but I am TOTALLY gonna be a tourist.)

So, back to why I have been having fun. Well, Monday night I went out to dinner with a with a group of people that I had met at the conference. After dinner, we all went to a Karaoke bar and had an absolute blast. The amount of talented people that sing only Karaoke is astounding. A couple that was with us had just got done singing a decent rendition of "Summer Lovin" when this girl, who is all of 5' gets on stage. At first she seemed like she was struggling, because no on could hear her. She walks over to the Karaoke guy, says something, hands him the mike, he hands her another, and starts over the song. She then starts belting out the theme song from Titanic just like Celine Dion. It was amazing. The whole place stood and gave her a standing ovation. It was quite cool. .

So, I get back to my room, answer a few emails, go over the itinerary once again for tomorrow, take a shower, and get in to bed. I just fall asleep when my phone rings. It's Lorie (if you don't remember her, go back a few posts). She tells me that she wants to meet up with me in Vegas next week. A friend of hers is having a birthday bash and they have an entire club to themselves. There are going to be all sorts of famous people there, free booze and good times to be had by all.  She got the part on Sons of Anarchy, but she will only be on the episode for about 5 minutes. I can't remember when she said they were shooting it, but she is still working on getting me access to the set. I guess we will see. We talked for about an hour and literally came right out and said "I'm gonna go pop in a porno, work myself in to a lather, smoke some weed and crash." It was pretty funny actually. My great comeback to that was "Oh really?" She then tells me about her "VAST" collection of porn that she inherited from an ex-boyfriend who was "in the porn business". He is a record custodian for an adult movie company, and literally had "thousands and thousands" of pornos with all the paperwork to go with each one. I told her that it sounded like a rip roaring good time. We said our goodbyes, and 3 seconds later I was dead-asleep.

I had a dream about Lorie at some point in the night, but like all my other dreams, was quite odd. Lorie was Lorie, but she had this HUGE cock that she could barely keep contained. I remember giving her a blow job, she cums all over my chest and then............................takes off her cock! It was so bizzare. The next part of the dream, we were sharing oreos over a tupperware bowl full of milk. HA HA HA.

Wednesday morning, I got up at 4, and went down to the gym in the hotel. Place is empty, and I am jogging on the treadmill watching the Food Network. I was about to 4 miles and was going to ride the bike for a few miles and finish off with the elyptical. Well, this lady and her high school volleyball team come in and take over everything. They changed the channel without asking, brought in a radio and were just being loud and obnoxious. So that started my day off shitty. I go up, shower, get ready and go downstairs. I usually will just have yogurt or fruit for breakfast, but decided today to take advantage of the "full breakfast" for hotel guests. I turn the corner to a line of giddy teenage volleyball players trying to get the next waffle. STRIKE TWO! I walk outside and start the short walk to the convention center, and spy a Starbucks about 2 blocks down off to my right. I am standing on the corner, waiting for the light to turn so I can cross when this fat old bitch in a hurry to get a donut steps on my foot. STRIKE 3! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

I get my coffee at Starbucks, head out the door and my phone rings. I answer it with one hand, trying to juggle everything else with my other hand and spill my fucking coffee. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! A keynote speakers who was supposed to be in at 7:35 missed his flight from Atlanta, and now wouldn't be in until 9:10 (20 minutes before he was scheduled to go on). I tell him that I will meet him at the airport with a car and rush him back and make arrangements for if he was late. So, my day is not going good at all. I am now extremely cranky, and feel like screaming. I take some deep breaths, turn around and go get another coffee. The clerk recognized me, and asks me if I am so tired that I need another coffee already. She was trying to be funny, but I was not in the mood. I told her that before I even got a sip from the coffee, I dropped it and spilled it. She gave me my coffee for free. YAY!.

I leave the store feeling a little bit better when my phone rings again. I am not going to chance another incident so I set my coffee down on a bench, set my stuff down, and answer the phone. This time it is the front desk clerk letting me know that I have a message waiting for me. On my way back to the hotel, I spot a quarter laying on the ground. I had no intention of picking it up, but as I was looking at it, I spot a $100 bill in the planter next to it. HOLY SHIT! I look around, don't see anyone, and pick it up. YAY! YAY! Things are starting to look up.

So the rest of that day went pretty smooth. There were some small hiccups, but no problems. I finally get back to my hotel, and am standing in front of the elevator. Door opens, and two volleyball bitches come barrreling out, knocking me to the ground. I have fucking had it with these twits! They half apologize as they giggle their way through the lobby and I storm up to the front desk. I ask for the hotel manager, they say he has gone home for the day, so I make them call him on the phone. I then proceed to lay it on with my disappointment in the hotel, blah blah blah.............I keep it very professional, but I am pissed. He starts acting like he doesn't care when I ask for the name and phone number of his boss. He tells me that he doesn't have that information available (this is a national chain, where the company I work for books thousands of rooms a year, and can get the name and number in 5 minutes.) At this point, he still doesn't know who I am, so I tell him "Mr. blankity-blank was it? (can't remember his name) Let me tell you who I am. My name is Samantha ........ and I am an account manager and event coordinator with -------------. I assume you have heard of us?" He says that he is only vaguely familiar with us. "Since you only VAGUELY know who we are, we are one of the biggest event organizers in the country. We book literally thousands of rooms a year with this hotel chain. You currently have 42 rooms that are booked at your hotel with MY CLIENTS! And when I say I am not happy with your hotel, THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR YOU! I suggest you find a way to get me the name and number of your boss, or I will call my office in Las Vegas and get the number myself." And just like that, his attitude changed. His half ass apologies were now full blown ass kisses. He more or less begged me to let him take care of the issues at a "local level". He then asks if I would hand the phone to the clerk so he could have a word with them. 2 minutes later the clerk upgrades my room to a suite, and hands me a gift certificate for 2 nights lodging in any room at blank blank hotel chain. So, not what I was asking for, and I still wanted to know what they were going to do about them fucking volleyball chicks. I ask the clerk, and he asks that I stay at the desk while they call coach in her room. So, this is how the conversation went........
"Mrs. Smith, this is George from the front desk. We have had numerous complaints regarding the behavior of some of your team, two of which knocked down a guest at the elevator a few minutes ago. Uh huh, yes. About 5 minutes ago. No ma'am. ............................................Yes ma'am. Unfortunately, if we get one more complaint, I will be forced to ask you to vacate the premises and find new accommodations. No ma'am, you would not get your money back. .........................................Ma'am, you need to calm down. No ma'am. If you would like I can have the manager personally call you, but let me assure you that this order came from him first.................Thank you for your cooperation ma'am."
I thanked them for taking care of it, and as I got to the elevator, the coach was just coming out. I could tell she was on the warpath, and I just smiled.

I have a nasty bruise on my shoulder from them bitches, but I will live.

More with Amy; decisions and regrets.

I am no longer confused about my relationship with Amy. I think I figured things out last night as I lay next to her, not sleeping.

In case you haven't figured this out about me, I tend to over-think things. To take you through my progression once again it was: Not what I wanted, Maybe this is what I want, I think this is what I want, This is what I want, Am I sure this is what I want, I am sure this is what I want, This is not what I want. The last part of this came to me when I was in bed last night.

The sex with Amy is absolutely amazing, and she is an amazing person. I have never felt so completely fulfilled sexually as I have with Amy these last couple of days. Just being close to her makes me want to be with her, and I have never felt that way before. But, I am not in love with her. Okay, you don't have to be in love with a person to be in a relationship, I totally get that. But you do have to want to be in a relationship with someone.

The jobs that I have had, regardless of pay or grade, have always been my priority. I have never had anything else in my life that I could call my own, other than my job. I know it's a crutch, but it's what I know, and it's what I do. I am not willing to change for a relationship. Amy said she didn't want me to change, but I don't believe her. It makes no difference.

So, because I am gone ALL the time, do I lead her on? Do I feign a relationship to see if it blossoms in to something more? I am still overthinking it, but I don't like confrontation and I don't like hurt feelings.

So, I am going to fake it. And if I fail at faking it, I am okay with that.

However, I had an odd dream last night. Based on the content of the dream, I should've woken up from that dream all shaken up. But I really wasn't, and I find that odd. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but I do know that Amy and I were at a lake somewhere.............don't know what we were doing there. We were in a giant cabin that served as a lodge for lots of people to gather. Anyhow, a guy comes in with a shotgun and shoots Amy in the stomach with a deer slug. (I know it was because I watched MythBusters last night). She wasn't upset about getting shot, I wasn't upset about her getting shot, the people around us didn't seem to care, and we just sat there on the couch watching blood gush from her belly while we waited for a doctor to show up. When he showed up, he grabbed a pair of pliers, pulled out the bullet, looked inside the wound with a flashlight, then stuffed gauze in to her. When he was done, he got up, took off his hat (that he wasn't wearing before), took a bow and waited for the applause. I left Amy on the couch because I had to find a restroom to pee. I wandered around the lodge for a long time looking for a bathroom until I woke up with the need to pee.

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I wrote everything above that there line at 4-ish this morning. Amy is now gone, she works tonight and then through the weekend. I am SO FUCKING CONFLICTED right now. I am sitting here in my empty apartment, alone, and still thinking of Amy. I can still smell her perfume on my throw pillow from the night she got here. I am seriously sad she is gone, and I told myself that I wouldn't be. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't need her in my life. I am going to the tanning salon, and then to gym. Things always feel different to me when I do that. I haven't had a good workout since Monday, so I am going to go beat myself up for a while.

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I just got home, and am feeling a lot better. However, me missing Amy hasn't changed, I am now just happier with how things are looking. Amy called me just as I was getting out of the shower at the gym, and when I called her back, she was just going through Ogden.

I am going to wander in to a different topic now, but only for a second. Poll question: Am I the only one who gets uber-horny at the gym? For me, it's the whole experience..........from getting sweaty and working hard, to the shower afterwards. I always leave the gym like that, with certain exceptions. When I got home, I took care of business the old fashioned way, and 3 minutes later, felt better. LOL.

Back to Amy..........................I think I am going to think this thru for a while. My next time that I have off is April 26th, and it is only for 4 days. And in that time I am going to get Lasik surgery, have my yearly done (Oh joy!) and chill. So she knows I cannot make it down there during that time. I have a couple of days here and there between events, but I am not flying home for those.The next long period that I have off is a week at the end of May. So I have a lot of time to think about what I am going to do. See if the feelings grow, or dwindle. I will still keep in contact with her, but I am going to keep things as simple as possible for a while.

I know you have waiting for me to continue my story about Amy, and the next time I log on (after my nap, LOL, I will put it all down here.

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I couldn't take a nap, so here goes:

After Amy was done with the feather, she got off the bed and left the room. When she came back in, she had a warm washcloth and started cleaning me from head to toe. It was such a nice "gesture" for lack of a better word. It felt comforting, but at the same time, it was really erotic. When she was done, she set the washcloth to the side, and although I could tell she was moving around, I couldn't tell what was going on. That was until I felt her on either side of my head. I thought maybe she was leaning down to kiss me, but instead slowly lowered her pussy on to my mouth. The only control I had left was my mouth, and although I kept reaching for her with my tongue, she would only let me have it for so long. This only went on for a couple of minutes before she did kiss me, licking her own juices off of my mouth. She rolled me on to my stomach and then set a rolled up blanket under my stomach, propping my ass in the air.

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It is now Friday morning. I got a call yesterday afternoon from an old friend of mine. I have known James since I was 16, and we was always the "older guy" at the party. My friends and I knew back then that James was gay, but he did a great job of hiding it. He always had girlfriends, but sometimes you could just tell. 2 years ago, I got a call from him inviting me to a gathering of friends. It was at that gathering that he came out.

I have chatted with him back and forth on Facebook, exchanged a few texts wtih him, but barely keeping in touch with him. So when I got his call, I was surprised. He asked if I was home, wanted something to do, and wanted to come over. When I answered the door, it was not the James that I knew. James has always been on the heavy-side, had shoulder-length Jesus-hair (everything one length) and bright blue eyes. This James was skinny and gaunt, and unless all his beautiful hair was tucked underneath his stocking cap, he had cut it. I new something was wrong.

The next 10 minutes was really, really hard for me. James had been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer 4 months ago. The tumor had already spread, so it couldn't be removed, and although he had been going through Chemo, the outlook was not good. He was in almost constant pain, and was on some serious doses of pain meds. His doctor was only giving him 6 months to a year to live, and now James was living life to the fullest.

When he showed me his "bucket list", it really hit home for me. About half the list was crossed off, and the next thing on his list was to "Say goodbye to all my friends". I tried to be strong, but I lost it. He explained that once he said goodbye to them, it was goodbye forever. Once he said goodbye, the next time he wanted to see them was at his funeral. It was very hard for me. We sat there talking for the next couple of hours, and I found myself stalling to keep him from leaving. Have you ever sat next to someone on a couch and KNOWN without a shadow of a doubt that you would NEVER EVER see them again?

It was so hard to say goodbye, but before he left, he reached in to his pocket and pulled out his IPOD touch. He told me that he wanted me to have it, enjoy it and think of him every time I used it. I just stood there, staring it, not knowing what to say. He gave me a final hug, told me that he loved me, and said he would watch out for me on the other side. I watched him drive away with tears flowing down my face and for some reason, it felt right to wave as he drove away.

More on Amy and my general confusion with the situation.

So, I made up a story that I had a meeting with a rental car company today to discuss my car needs for Anaheim in 2 months. I told her it would be a few hours, and that I would come and pick her up for dinner at 4 or so. I feel guilty for doing it, but I am really feel like I am at a crossroads, and I HAVE to make a decision to go one way or the other. I am not talking about my sexual orientation, I think I took that fork in the road a while ago. To the right is a relationship with Amy. A TRUE relationship, and not one built around half-truths and convenience. To my left is the opposite direction of Amy, and to continue on with my lonely, but mostly fulfilling, work filled life. Straight ahead of me is a sign that says Bridge Closed and I know that I can't go that way. So, I have to go one way or the other.

To go down the road opposite of Amy is to continue down the road I have been on. I have nobody to talk to (besides you, my constant reader), no one to share my day with, no one to look forward to seeing when I come home, nobody to share my bed with............I have been independent as far back as I can remember, and have never had anybody in my life that was there for me! (I am crying as I am writing this, and it fucking pisses me off). DEEP BREATH, SIGH, TAKE A DRINK OF MY ROCKSTAR. Because I am independent, it bothers me to have someone that wants to be with me, and wants to know how I am doing. I have feelings for her that I can't relate to, and have been telling myself for a long time didn't exist. As I sit here, I am missing her, and am thinking about going to get her and her bags, and bringing her back to my place.

So, here is what I am thinking................Do I continue to blog about Amy and I? I have been thinking about this, and have really been wondering. Do people who read this care about a relationship (ugh!) that I am trying on for size? Do people who read this, only read it for my sexual escapades? Do I write about my escapades with Amy? I don't think I want to write about our sex, but sometimes I really want to share the things I will be experiencing with her. But is that a violation of privacy? Nobody knows my real name on here, and Amy is just as unknown as I am. I do want to share last night though.

So, our first foray in bed was a huge blur. I don't remember much, that's why I didn't go in to detail. Our early morning tryst is a different story all-together.


We got back to my house, and both of our moods had changed considerably. Instead of the partly gloomy mood that had cast it's shadow over my apartment before, there was now happiness and giddiness. We sat on my step again, smoking a cigarette and talking dirty to each other. At first, we were just calling each other names and saying in a playful way, what we wanted to do. Like, "I am going to make you cum so hard you little slut, your mom is going to call and ask what happened." or "I am going to pull your fucking hair and make you eat my pussy like the whore you are." Just shit like that. But when she pulled my hair, and started whispering things like that in my ear, it was on like Donkey Kong.

I had made a comment out on the steps that I was her little slut, just going along with what we had already been saying, and when we got inside, she took control. She sat on the couch and "told" me to do a striptease for her. I faked it a little bit, but was probably naked way to quick. Then she told me that I needed to take off all of her clothes using only one hand, and my other hand should be playing with my pussy. I gotta tell you, it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Once all of her clothes were off, she grabbed my hand and took me in to the bedroom. She took the belt off of my silk robe hanging on the back of my door, told me to turn around, and tied my hands behind my back. With my hands now tied, she turned me around and pushed me on to the bed. As I lay there, I watch as she starts going through my dresser, and when she find what she is looking for, comes back and covers my eyes with a pink bandana. I know she turned the light on because I could see it coming through the top of my blindfold, but it didn't sound like she was in the room any longer. To be quite honest, she was gone so long, I damn near fell asleep. But the ice cube on my nipple a few moments later jolted be back in to consciousness.

I didn't know what it was at the time, but she had also heated up some chocolate sauce in the microwave. First, she would put the ice cubes on my nipples, and then drip the hot chocolate on them. Once she licked off the chocolate, she would do it again. Then she ran an ice cube from my neck, all the way down through my pussy, and down to my feet. But she did it agonizingly slow. And she did that a few times. She left the ice cube right at the top of my chest so it would continue to melt, and then started dripping the chocolate down my body. I just knew she had gotten some on my sheets when she made it down between my legs, but I didn't care.

After taking quite a while to clean up her chocolate trail, she moved back to the ice cubes. I knew I could fight it, but was relishing the attention I was getting. I knew that she had already gotten in to my nightstand and found my "collection", but wasn't expecting the feather. Hell, I forgot I even had it. It came as part of a kit with other stuff in it, and don't think it had ever been out of the plastic it came in. But she started with that fucking feather down at me feet. I am not all that ticklish, but that feather drove me nucking futs. She spent the better part of eternity going up and down my body with that damn feather.

I have more to write down here, but I am going to post this and go get Amy.

Hugs and Kisses.

An unexpected turn of events.............

I got home from Boise last night (car got 18 mpg by the way), and there is a note from my roommate that she was going to be gone for a week on vacation with her boyfriend. I don't pay that much attention, and it's not like we text back and forth or anything. Anyways, get in to town, drop my friend off at home, and I get a text from Amy. Here is the text : Call me! I want to see you. I am staying at the Ameritel in Idaho Falls. Here for a few days 2 c my cousin. So I texted her back and said I just got home from Boise and will be home. (It's about 7:30 at night). I cleaned up the house a bit, took a shower, and about 20 minutes later, Amy texted back and asked for my address. I sent it to her, and waited for her to show up. 2 hours later, I am still waiting. I send her a text asking where she is, and I get nothing. I wait a few minutes and text again...............nothing. I am tired of waiting, and I really had a craving for some Spicy Pork Rinds and Arizona Half&Half ice tea. So, yeah, I left. Well, it took me longer to go to the store than I really anticipated. I got my snacks and grabbed some Lottos (which I normally don't do).  I sat in my car, scratching the tickets, and I kept winning. I bought $14 worth of tickets (I had 8 total), and won on 7 of them. So, in my own little head, it's bad luck to turn them back in where you won them, so went to another store to turn them in. I thought I won $26, but when I turned them in, I actually won $43. So, I got $20 worth, and won $21...........yep to another store. Got another $20 worth and decided I would scratch them at home so I started home. But then I passed a Walgreens and forgot that I needed fingernail polish remover. Spent 20 minutes there, wandering around like a loser. It is now about 11:ish and I still haven't heard from Amy. I got home and had no sooner closed and locked the door behind me, their is a knock on the door.

Her eyes were all puffy and swollen. It was obvious that she had been crying pretty hard for quite a while. My heart sank when I saw her, and assumed the worse. I thought for sure that someone was dead, or something just as bad had happened. I was WAY off.

I asked her what was wrong, and was generally concerned. When I closed the door behind her and went to hug her, the tears started flowing again and she was crying pretty hard. I just stood there and held her, not saying a word...........waiting for her to open up when she was ready. Her first words to me were "I am so sorry, I shouldn't be here."

I convinced her to stay and talk and she calmed down a little, but through the course of the night, she broke down quite a few more times. What it all boils down to, was she was not in town to see a cousin, she was in town to see me, and that was it. She had been thinking of me non-stop since our trip to California, and really wanted to see if we could have a relationship. I tried to be as nice as I could, but with me traveling ALL the time, my time off was going to be MINE and I did not want a relationship right now. I explained my travel, I explained my time off, I explained she lived in a different state, I explained everything. Or at least I attempted to. She kept on, saying that even if she could see me monthly, that would be okay with her. I explained that it may not even be monthly, blah blah blah. She said that we could make things work. I tried, and tried, and tried.............she wouldn't take no for an answer.

It's not her, it really isn't. We have been friends for a long time, she is sexy, pretty, we have a connection, and we are really compatible in bed. I just don't have the time, opportunity or need to be in a relationship. But the more we talked, the more I warmed up to the idea a little bit. And the more I warmed up to it, the more I tried to explain how things will have to work. I am not moving to Salt Lake, she is not moving to Idaho Falls, and unless I have an extended time off like I do know, I am not going to drive to Salt Lake to see her. I am not going to try and call her everyday, but we could text.........However, she could not get all pissy if it took a while to answer. I am very busy. If I don't answer when she calls, let it go. I will call back when I can. I tried to go over every situation where we could have problems. I tried not to be a bitch, but as I think about it now, I may have come off that way. But it all seemed to work out.

She started to cry again and I went to comfort her again. As I sat down next to her, a wave of emotion came over me. I can't really explain what it was, but it was not something I have felt before. I was in control of the situation and really felt empowered. On top of that, I felt needed, and wanted, and have never felt that way before. As I sat there and held her, I started feeling something else. It was not love, but I truly felt I cared about her, and not just in a "friend" way.

She looked up at me and thanked me........it seemed like an odd response to the situation, but I get it now. I have never, ever, loved anyone that I can remember. I thought I loved my real mom, but when she was gone, that feeling went away pretty quick. I thought I loved my foster-mom, but I found that feeling dependent on someone was not love. I thought I loved my ex-boyfriend, but when he cheated on me, upset as I was, didn't miss him. But in my head, I could imagine what it felt like to love someone, and I think that is how Amy feels about me. I can imagine a wife thanking her husband for coming home from overseas, I can imagine a husband thanking his wife for having their child, I can imagine parents being thankful that their children are happy and with them every day. Amy was thankful that I was giving her a chance to be close to me.

I kissed her forehead as a gesture of "your welcome". I felt strange for doing it, but it felt right at the time. In that moment, I felt like we were leading up to a "first kiss". It obviously wasn't, given our fun in San Diego, but this was a tender, first kiss moment. I was nervous and anxious, and didn't want to be the first to go for it. But as I am learning, emotions are all encompassing, and can't be pushed aside. As our lips met, there was an immediate spark that I felt in my toes. All at once, I tasted her lip gloss, tasted her mint gum, smelled her perfume, smelled her shampoo, felt the coolness of her cheeks were the tears were, and felt the warmth of her body. This is going to sound like a strange comparison, but it was almost like watching the greatest poker hand materialize in your hand, card by card, until you get that final card where you know you are unbeatable. There is an excitement there that leads up to a big moment, and you are on top of the world.

We sat on the couch getting to know each other again through passionate kisses and exploratory hands. My senses were heightened and everything seemed so clear, and at the same time, felt like a dream where reality was just out of reach. Before I knew it, we were both down to our underwear, and I say that in all seriousness. I really don't remember physically removing any clothing, from her or myself. I mean, we obviously helped each other out with that task, but the first little bit was kind of a blur. I think for the first time in my life, I was actually IN the moment, and not thinking about anything else.

We found our way to my room, and as she lay there watching me, I lit all some candles, and turned on some soft music. I then pulled out a bottle of massage oil that was left over from the days of Roxanne (my ex-roommate, massage therapist......). I gave her the most sensual, erotic massage that I have ever been a part of. I was just as turned on as her, and was so wet, I could see where I was sitting on her butt. I rubbed every inch of her body from her toes to her ears, and was really in the moment. I finally got to a point where my hands could no longer do any more. I lay down next to her, and we just stared at each other for the longest time. She ask me to lay down, and I thought she was going to reciprocate the massage. I was flat on my stomach, and she gently pulled my legs apart a bit. She then started kissing my ankles, and worked her way up, slowly and surely. When she got up to my ass, she used both hands to pull me up a bit, and immediately stuck her tongue in my eager pussy.

Fifteen minutes later, we were already spent, and had cum a couple of times each. We lay there holding each other, trying to catch out breath, and when I went to get up to get some water, I realized that Amy was sound asleep. I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water, then went to take another shower. I was only in there for a couple of minutes, and was feeling really invigorated. It was late, but didn't feel the least bit tired. In fact, I was hungry, and only then realized that I never ate dinner. LOL. I got dressed, found my emergency cigarette stash, and went outside and sat on the steps. As I sat there smoking, I was flooded with all sorts of emotions.........happiness, sadness, fear, regret, guilt, love? I don't know what I was feeling, but I found myself crying. Over what? I don't know.

I went back inside to find Amy coming out of the room. I explained that I was out smoking, and she said she wanted one. So I went back outside, and had another one with her. Amy had come out only in a blanket. It wasn't that big of deal, there was certainly nobody out this time of the night, and she was pretty covered up. She was sitting in front of me, and we were just chatting, smoking, and chillin. I leaned down, and kissed her neck, just kind of an affectionate thing. Boom, there we were, making out on the stairs. It would have been quite the show for anyone watching.........Amy on top of me with her blanket on, buck naked, making out with another chick..........it was quite funny. We heard a car approaching and gathered ourselves, laughing the entire time. We smoke yet another cigarette and then went inside to find something to eat.

Unfortunately, I was like Old Mother Hubbard with some empty ass cupboard. So, drove out to the truck stop for some breakfast. Let me tell you, there aren't many pretty people out at that hour of the night on a Monday. We spent more time making up stories about the people that surrounded us than anything else. At the table behind us was Billy Bob Bennet, the owner of Billy Bob's bait, tackle, satellite and plumbing store. Behind him was Bubba Ray and Tony the truck driving team who were desperately trying to hide their gay love for each other. I could go on, but I won't. It was still pretty funny,.

So we leave the truck stop, and within minutes, are being pulled over by Bonneville County. I wasn't speeding, I did a full stop at the sign, I already had my plates on, and certainly wasn't swerving. I put my flashers on, and waited to pull over to a place that had more light. The cop who pulled us over was all of about 12. He asked for the usual, I gave it to him, and then asked if we knew why he pulled us over. Amy leans over me, looks up at him and says "Because you wanted to get a closer view of the hot chicks driving the hot car?" Little Boy Cop blushes a bit and says "No ma'am, I clocked you doing 52 in a 45 back there. Where are you going in such a hurry?" I was about to say something when Amy chimes in again "Wouldn't you be speeding if YOU were going back to her place for the night?" He blushed again, and before he could say anything else I told him, "Officer, I know I was going the speed limit, I am a very conscientious driver, and I know I was probably under to tell you the truth." Well, he took my stuff back to his car, and was back a minute later and told me to watch my speed, and to drive careful. Amy leaned over again, kissed me on the mouth, and told him "We definitely want to get home safe." I grabbed my shit, rolled up the window and bust out laughing.

(So yeah, I have written quite a bit more than I envisioned today, but I haven't gotten to the REALLY juicy part yet. Stay with me on this journey, won't you?)

Boise State and TCU, and other comments.

Dear Anonymous commenter:

I didn't think TCU fans were smart enough to get on the internet, let alone READ. I am so kidding. I was pulling for TCU during that bowl game. I think Andy Dalton was probably one of the top 3 senior quarterbacks from last year. I don't think that Cam Newton was the best last year, but the 4 best quarterbacks last year (in no particular order) were Dalton, Kapernick (from Nevada), Cam Newton and Kellen Moore. Either way, it is nice to know that they will be playing each other in Boise this year. Unfortunately for you, Boise doesn't lose home games, so you have that going against you already. And you no longer have Dalton, another strike. TCU is another great mid-major team, and I root for them any time they are not playing Boise.

To the other commenter: Thanks for applauding my choice on cars. I love my Magnum............I have it over at a performance shop right now getting new exhaust, cold air induction and they are programming the "Diablo Programmer" that came with the car. (I know nothing of programmers, or chips or performance). I knew I wanted louder exhaust (I am like a guy when it comes to that shit), and my friend Mikey told me to get the cold air intake.I am supposed to get better gas mileage, and more power.

I am in Boise with my new car!

So I started doing some research on the internet, and I found that Idaho Falls doesn't have the best prices on cars. Yeah, big surprise. So, I found a few cars in Salt Lake, but didn't really want to go down there, and then I found some more in Boise. I was on the fence as to where I was going to go, when I started talking with a guy friend of mine, and found out that he was driving over to Kennewick, Wa yesterday to see his sister, and that I could get a ride with him. So, I took him up on it, and sucked his cock on the way over as my way of thanking him. Not really. My friend Amanda came along with me, and we got a hotel up by the mall, and started plotting out my car shopping. The first car I wanted to look at was out in Nampa. It is a black 2007 Dodge Magnum SRT8. It is a real wheel drive car, I know, but I had to start somewhere, and I had never driven one, or knew for sure if I would like it.

So, this morning, I call the car lot, tell them what I am interested in, and they send a salesman to my hotel room with the car. I am putting it mildly when I say it is FUCKING SWEET! The car has a shitload of power, an aftermarket in-dash DVD/GPS, aftermarket speakers throughout, 20" tires and sweet-ass rims, super-dark tint, and leather. The car gets shit for gas mileage, but it's all good, it's SWEET!

I am only financing $12000 on the car, I put the rest down in cash. I actually got them to give me a real good deal on it.  They took $2000 off of the price right off the top before we even started really negotiating. It was 10 this morning when we started all this, and there are 3 or 4 other car lots within walking distance, so I wasn't in a huge hurry. But, you know how car dealers are................always one more word before you leave, one more deal. So, I sat down with him again, and before we were done, he took $3500 off of the price, threw in new tires, filled the tank with gas, and gave me $50 gift certificate to "On the Border". So, I am pretty pleased with myself. Not bad for a dumb girl.

I did go out and get pretty trashed last night, and made-out with some random hot-chick. She was even more trashed then I was, and kept asking me if she could taste my pussy. It was actually quite amusing. I thought about taking her back to the hotel, but my friend would've been pissed, and she was so drunk, she probably would've passed out on the way back in the cab anyhow.

Was awake by 3:30 this morning! UGH!

Can you believe it? 3:30! Went back to sleep, and was out of bed by 5. It was even a stretch to stay in bed that long. It really sucks when you have been waking up so early in a different time zone.

But I digress............I am pretty happy that the apartment was nice and clean when I got back here. Not clean like I clean it, but close enough for government work. I couldn't believe how much shit was on my DVR when I got back, DAMN!. There were a couple of shows that my roomie must have started taping, but that's fine with me, there is still something like 70 free hours. I have a ton of running around to do today; pay bills, go to WalMart, go to the mall to stock up on a few things, go to the Verizon store and buy a better bluetooth, go to Kohl's for some new shoes, and I am going to buy some golf clubs. I am a lousy golfer, but have always enjoyed it. I now have the chance (a lot of them apparently) to actually go play. I do have my eye on a Boise State Broncos golf bag in the mall that I may have to get.

On that note, I am not a sports-chick. I don't really watch the NFL, but when pressed I say I am a 49er fan. I NEVER watch baseball or Soccer.........but I do watch the Boise State Bronco football religiously. I started watching them when I was 14 or so with my foster-brother. He left, and I just kind of kept watching them. I remember for Christmas when I was 15, I got a pink Boise State Jersey. I have become such a rabid fan that it is always the go-gift for all my friends for me at Christmas and my birthday. LOL. I usually go to 3 or 4 games per year, but it is getting harder and harder. Last year, regular tickets didn't go on sale until late, and were sold out almost immediately. The year before that, they went on sale the day of my birthday (or maybe the day before), and when I got through to the ticket office at 10:10, every home game was already sold out. Same goes for the year before that. But I still always find a way to make it to a game. I only went to the Tulsa game last year.  I won't talk about religion, or politics, but get me going on the NCAA and the BCS and I can go all day.I may be young, but I know my Broncos, and I love to talk about them.

So, I think while I am home, I am going to buy a new car. I would really like to have a car at some of these places. Sure, I can get a rental car at any time, but I love to drive. The company is already giving me an allowance each month for a vehicle, and I am going to take advantage of that. I have done some research, and I have a few cars I am going to look at: Chrysler 200, Chrysler 300, Dodge Charger, Dodge Challenger, Chevy Camaro.........................I kind of figure I may not HAVE to get a front wheel drive. If the weather is crappy I will fly, or get studded tires. I haven't really decided yet. I am really leaning to the Chrysler 300, Dodge makes an AWD model...............still, not sure if that is too "old" for me. I really, really, really want the Charger, but I think insurance would be too much for me at my age. Hell, I don't know, I just know I don't want any sort of IMPORT car.

Well, my friend Crissy will be here in a minute, and we are going to the mall to spend some of my hard earned money.

Just landed in Denver...........

I have a 3 hour layover before I fly in to Salt Lake City, where I have 19 minutes to get my flight to Idaho Falls. I don't think I land in Idaho Falls until after 7 tonight. Goody for me. It shouldn't be like this normally, but my first flight got cancelled, (which was a straight shot to SLC), so they booked me on this damn Denver flight with a connection to SLC. Then, they had to find another flight in to Idaho Falls..................yeah, whatever.

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my plane

It's 9:30 local time, and I have been at the airport since 7. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited to get to go home. I was checked out of my room a little after 6, had a car pick me up, swing me by a Starbucks and then to the airport we went. My flight doesn't board for another 45 minutes, and I have actually had a really good time just watching all the people come and go.

I do have to fill you in on my baby oil incident last night. Since I was 14 or so, I have always moisturized with baby oil. It has changed a few times over the years because I heard one things works better than another, or I was told to try "this new thing", but I have always gone back to the baby oil. So, to paint you a nice picture..............As soon as I get out of the shower, while I am still wet, I cover every inch of my body with baby oil. I start at my feet, move up to my legs, my ass, my tummy, my chest, my arms.............And while that soaks in, I dry my hair, wash my hands, and put moisturizer on my face. I put the oil on in the shower, and then get out once I am done. It has become habit, and hasn't been any source of "sexy-fun-times" in years.

So, last night, the lid comes off of my baby oil, and I end up with a handful of the stuff. Well, without thinking I throw it on my body so I don't waste any (yeah, like it's SOOO expensive). I have oil running down my chest, down my tummy and yep..............down through there. I do put some baby oil in that general vicinity, but that's it. So, I start rubbing it in, and there is a lot more than normal. And when I start rubbing all of that extra in to my body............well the mood overtook me, and it overtook me in a BIG BIG way.

I put even more oil on my body now, A LOT MORE. And then, a thought occurs to me........is baby oil harmful to my "nether-regions"? I mean, I know you have to watch out for that type of thing because you can get infections and such from that. So, I tip-toe (still wet and covered with oil) to my already packed suitcase, and get out my dwindling bottle of silicone lube, (Wet brand, in case you have ever wondered) and decide I would oil myself up with that. Well, adding the lube to my already glistening, oil covered body, made for an interesting experience. Now, blog friends, this is where I get all open and honest..............I got carried away. I spread all my towels on my bed and got after it. I had lube in my hair, on my face, between my toes, fuckin everywhere. I just couldn't stop.

And last night, I fully did what I had only "experimented" with before. Now, I don't know if I had mentioned it before, but I have purchased some "anal only" toys. One of them starts out small, and then through progression, get bigger and bigger. Another one is about as big around as a package of those small biscuits you get at the store, and about 10" long. So, I decided that I would use two toys at once, and go all "DP" on myself. Keep in mind, the progressive toy has only ever made it to the second progression, and the "roll of biscuits" has only been in me for a quick second a few times. So, like I said before, I got seriously carried away.

I ended up using the "biscuit" one with the help of a chair and some towels and fucked myself with that until I was inches from cumming. (I only stopped because I almost fell off the chair, twice). Then, I took out the bigger one. I was really relaxed and started pushing it in a little further each time. I got it in further than I care to admit, and then put my trusty "blue" in to my pussy. I had a mind blowing orgasm that damn near brought me to tears.

It took damn near 20 minutes in the shower to clean myself up. That lube and oil do not like to come out of hair, I can tell you that. I woke up this morning as was sore. Hate to admit it, but yeah, it seems that I went to far.

Been thinking alot since the other day, and that is never good.

I am over my self-loathing for being a slut the other night. When I look back on it, I think I was a little to judgmental of myself to feel so degraded and worthless. I knew what I was doing at the time, I could have stopped any time, and I did it because I wanted to. However, I am still left with the other decision that I feel I must make.

So, I guess that leaves another question: Do I label myself as such? Is it really necessary to make a choice, and then to where that choice on my sleeve? I have spent a lot of time on the internet looking and gay and lesbian blogs, websites, etc. I see a lot of people that let their sexuality define them as a person. You don't see these people as "Jane, journalist, mother of 1, homeowner." They seem to define themselves as "Jane, lesbian, journalist, etc." I guess I just don't get that. I understand how sexuality has a way of shaping a person's character, dress, look, etc, I just don't understand how "sex" can be your most defining trait. I posed a question on a message board 2 nights ago, and I couldn't believe the range of responses I received. I was not asking the question so I could make my own decision, I was merely asking to get a response.

Okay, with all that said, I KNOW I am a lesbian. But I guess what I don't understand, is there like varying degrees of lesbianism? Here is why I ask? My favorite adult movie scene is boy/girl, my next favorite is boy/girl/girl. See where I am going there? I like watching those scenes, but have absolutely no more interest in playing those out myself. So, am I like an "Jr. Lesbian" and as I move through life, do I also move through the ranks of lesbianis? I guess I am just really confused. I totally know what gender I am attracted to, but I can't get the idea through my head of marrying another woman. I can't even really get it through my head to walk down the street, hand in hand, or acting like "other couples" in public. I have done those things, but they were only to get attention from guys . I know these are stupid questions that will all be answered in time.

 I did however notice that my mindset has changed a bit since the other day. All of my encounters with woman have really been opportunistic. Or to put it a different way, I haven't really been looking for female companionship, it has just happened. However, I noticed it yesterday, when I started looking at women a different way.............like I always did with guys. She's cute, she has a nice butt, she has beautiful eyes, etc. I still don't have any gaydar, so I am pretty much screwed there, but I think it has opened up a new realm to me.

It was kind of funny this morning...................like I said, I haven't really felt "sexual" in quite a while. I have taken care of business, but it is more out of some sort of "necessity" that comes over me sometimes. That was until this morning. I know I was having sex dreams last night, but I don't really remember any details. But when I woke up this morning, I was FUCKING HORNY! I was already wet, and had that feeling where I can feel the horniness in my toes. I got out of bed , got undressed and was halfway to the shower, when my phone rang. I ended up sitting on the phone, buck naked, talking to my boss for over an hour. (He knows what time I wake up in the morning, and has no problem calling any time after that. LOL). By the time I got in the shower, I was running late, and in full work mode. No time to do anything fun. I have been giddy all day, in a better mood and eager to get back to my room for some "me" time. It will be every bit of 10 before I get back though, I have a full night ahead of me.

Have a spare five minutes

Starting to fall in line with my job a little more. It's quite a bit more hectic than I envisioned it. I told myself that I would never drop "names" on here, and I will stick with that policy, but yesterday I met a very very very famous dude from an 80's rock band. He was a really cool guy and totally not what I expected. Oh, yeah, he was skinny as hell, I suppose a lot of years of over-indulging in drugs. He was a cool guy, and I ended up getting my back-stage laminate signed by him.

So, after this weekend, I get 9 days off at home. I am really looking forward to it. Been talking with some friends back home, and I guess there was a murder in the neighborhood where my friend grew up, and her parents still live there. Murders in my town are pretty uncommon. I do have some plans with friends when I get back, and I have been talking to Amy again. I am still not too sure where I stand with her. We are friends, but friends who took things to a different level. Not that I haven't done those kinds of things with my other friends, but with Amy it was different. It was more like a weekend getaway with a lover, and not friends having fun. At least that's how it felt to me.

More rambling here.................I got to drive some really, really, really cool cars yesterday. There is an exotic car dealership here where I am, and he has a pretty high presence in this market. Anyways, he has some of his "show cars" at this expo, and yesterday morning he came and took me, "the Rocker", a Portugese Playboy Playmate and some other people to his car lot and let us drive some of his cars. I drove a 1992 Ferrari F40 (I could barely change gears, the clutch was super stiff), A 2010 Audi R8 (the absolute best car of the day), a 1989 Lamborghini Countach, and a 2010 Chevy Duramax with a 12" lift, and a 1000+HP engine. So, yeah, that was pretty cool. I took the Audi and the Lambo on the freeway and got to open them up a little, but the Ferrari was too hard to drive and the Duramax scared the shit out of me. Yeah, a small town chick who is scared of a pickup, but you had to see it to believe it.

On a completely different note.............I was stuck backstage with a know-it-all salesman fuckhead from some diesel additive company yesterday, and he starts grilling me about politics. I don't like talking politics or religion with anyone, it just never ends well, and told him so. He kept on with me, and we ended up getting in a pretty heated discussion. Problem was, he was an idiot! I am not saying that because he disagreed with me, I am saying it because he was an ignorant fuck who thought he knew it all, and didn't. I know where I stand, and no salesman is going to change my mind with his idiot arguments right out of the left-wing playbook. Anyhow................I am very opinionated, enough said.

COMMENTS

So, I got to looking at the stats for my blog, and I realized that there were a ton more people reading it than were leaving comments. So, I have one little request................

If you read my blog, I don't expect long comments or anything, but if you would put your location and gender as a quick comment, that would be cool. It's so cool to know that people are reading my blog, I would just love to know where you are from :-)

Also, I just want everyone to know that if they ask me a question on here, I will ALWAYS answer it.

Hugs and mucho kisses! Sammie

Feeling slutty, and not in a good way either.................

I had a good time (as it was happening), but I feel SO SO SO bad now that I want to puke. I have some real soul searching to do after last night............I think, for sure this time, that I might be a lesbian. Yeah, I know, I have tossed around the idea for a long time now, but always just thought it was a phase. I am sure now that it's not. So, here goes..................I fucked a guy last night.

So, I took some clients out to a late dinner last night. There were 8 of us in all. There were 4 women, including myself, and 4 guys. 2 of them were couples. Anyways, I wasn't going to drink because I still haven't been able to get on top of my headaches (thinking I may need to go to the eye doctor, been 3 years), but I ended up having 4 or 5 drinks and a couple of shots. I was talking to one of the guys their, Erik, and we kind of hit it off, and were getting along quite well. So, the group starts to get ancy, and I know that it's time for everyone to start going their seperate ways. I was feeling pretty good at that point, too good actually.

Erik is mid thirties, a little over 6', good looking, muscular, dark hair, blue eyes, ex-marine, and has about $10,000 in ink on his body. So, him and I shared a car with another couple on the way back to the hotel. There was mostly small talk, and I mostly went through old emails on my phone. When we got back to the hotel, he asked if I wanted to have one more drink. I knew what he was going for, DUH!, but I was too loopy to care. He ordered us each a drink, and then came right out and asked if after the drink, I wanted to come up to his room with him and see where the night takes us. So, I came right out and asked him if he was propositioning me to fuck him. He stammered a bit, and said yes. I chugged my drink, grabbed his hand and told him that there was no time like the present.

I should have known that I wasn't going to feel good about this when I started kissing him and it just totally felt wrong. I didn't like the stubble on his face, I didn't like that he was taller, and when it came right down to it, I didn't like that he was a man. But I kept going.

It started out with oral sex, he went down on me. He knew what he was doing, but I just couldn't get past the stubble on his face. So I went down on him............Now I have to be honest here.........I really, really used to enjoy sucking cock. I mean, I was good at it, I knew how to swallow, and could usually get a guy to cum (if I wanted to) in under 5 minutes, easy. I really tried to make myself enjoy it, but I resorted to just making sure he enjoyed it. I made him cum in under 3 minutes (I have a way of counting, don't ask. LOL). I didn't swallow, but he covered my chin, neck and chest, and had to turn away when I started to gag.

I cleaned myself up in the bathroom, and brought out a warm wash cloth to clean him up, and almost immediately, was hard again. Now, I haven't thought about condoms in like FUCKING FOREVER, but also knew I wasn't fucking him without one. Wouldn't you know it, he had some. LOL.

So, we started out missionary, which moved to me on top. But I really had a hard time looking down at him so, we moved to doggie style. With him behind me, I started getting in to it more and more and actually was starting to enjoy it. I knew my pussy was really wet by this point, so I pulled off of him, and lay down on the bed. I used my juices to lube up my ass really well and you should have seen the look on his face when I told him I wanted him in my ass. He actually said "what did you say?", so I told him that I wanted him to fuck me in the ass. It was barely a minute later before he came again, and I knew that was it.

I got up, went back in to the bathroom, washed myself off in the shower really quick, got dressed and said thank you for the good time, and walked out.

I made myself cum when I got back in to the room, and then fell asleep. I woke up this morning feeling like shit. I haven't fucked a guy in I don't know how long, and it just doesn't feel right any more.

Had a great time last night, but job is freaking me out. (started this the other day, Sorry)

So, for those of you that read my blog (All 2 of you, LOL), I found out that the massage that I got was called a "Yoni" massage. You can Google it if you have any questions, but yeah, I had my Yoni massaged.

So, I have been working a automobile expo and car show since Sunday. Most of the events don't kick off until tomorrow, but there have been some symposiums and trainings for various automobile trades since yesterday, with a private, invitation only car show tonight. So, anyhow, yesterday I go to the airport to pick up an actress/model (that I have never heard of) that will be "eyecandy" at this car show/auction deal. So, she calls me when she lands, and I tell where the car will meet here, etc.

I didn't recognize her at first, and it was not that big of deal really. There are thousands of actresses/models and although I needed to treat her like a VIP/Guest of the company, I didn't feel like I needed to fall all over her like she was Lady GaGa or something. So, we don't say much in the ride back to the hotel, she is on the phone with a friend most of the time we are in the car, but when we get to the hotel, and I get her checked in, she becomes Chatty Cathy.

She asks me about where there was a place to party, places to eat, places to see, etc etc. I try to explain that I am not from here, but she keeps on. Not in a rude way, but just kind of like a bored kid trying to find something to do. I tell her that I can have the concierge contact her with some things to do, she says that is "cool", and I send her on her way with my business card and my room number on the back. I tell her (not unlike I tell any of the guests/VIP's that if she needs me, feel free to call my room.).

I have a couple of hours before I have to pick up a group of "Top Salesman" from a 5 state car dealership, so I am just chilling in my room, going over schedules, checking emails, etc, when my phone rings. It is "her". She asks where WE can go for something fun. I ask her if the concierge had contacted her yet, she says yes, and he gave me a list of clubs and stuff but it all sounds boring. I am trying to be professional and act like I myself am not bored out of my mind, but she is not having any of it. I tell her that my schedule is pretty full until 3 when I pick up my last guests at the airport and try to put her off and she still is keeping on. I finally tell her when I will be back to the hotel, and to give me a call then, and I will see if I can round something up. She agrees.

I call down to the concierge, and he gives me the same ideas he gave her. I then call my "trainer", who is now back in Las Vegas getting things ready for her new baby and ask her. She tells me that it is not uncommon for VIP's and the like to want to do something fun. If I am so inclined, I can take them out, but any expense over $300 has to be approved and any expenses over $600 during the course of a week have to be approved. She tells me to go through my employee handbook and it will line all of that out, and if I have any questions, to call her back. Now it's not like I didn't know that stuff, I have read the book from cover to cover 4 times because of boredom. I just didn't realize it applied to taking people out for a good time.

So, I pick up the car salesman, and most of them were shitfaced by the time they were picked up. There were 15 guys total, and the hotel had to take 2 vans to pick them all up. The whole ride was them talking about where the nearest "gentleman's club" was, and if the hotel had a bar. They were all pretty nice and respectful, but it was a loud ride back to the hotel. I got them all checked in, gave them itinerary's, and set them up with dinner at the TGIFridays across the street.

Now for the sake of this story, I am going to call the actress/model the name "Lorie". So, I don't know how she knew, but I wasn't back in my room 30 seconds before Lorie was calling me. I answered, and she asks "so, what we going to do?" I asked if she was hungry, she said yeah, so I suggested we hop in a cab and let the cab driver take us somewhere fun to eat. She is at my room 2 minutes later, and I am in the middle of changing when she knocks on the door. I open the door with just my bra and panties on and a towel in front of me for modesty sakes, and apologize that I was trying to get ready. Lorie tells me she doesn't mind, comes right in, and starts fixing her makeup in my bathroom.

I am going to skip ahead a little bit here and not go to heavily in to details. We get taken to a Hooters by the cab driver (his idea of funny). We make the best of it, and end of having a great time there for the better part of an hour. Lorie gets recognized by a waitress, and the next thing we know, every waitress and most the guys in the bar and trying to get her autograph. They take our picture, ask for permission to hang it on the wall and then comp our entire meal and drinks. We leave Hooters and take a short cab ride to the mall. (I am not done with Hooters yet, but I will come back to that).

We spend the next 2 hours at the mall where Lorie, and I have never been with a woman who could shop like that. After buying at least something in every store we visited, we fill the trunk of the cab and head back to the hotel. So, at this point, I am thinking it's close to 9:00 local time, and I am done babysitting her. It's not like I wasn't having a good time, I have just been in a funk because of my job, and wasn't in the mood to go out on a Monday night. I help her take her bags to her room, drop them off, start to tell her goodnight, when she tells me that we are meeting a couple of the waitresses from Hooters at a nightclub at 10:30. I try to tell her no, but, yeah, I went.

So, we get to the club and there is a huge line to get in the door. The concierge put us on the list, so we went right to the front and gave my name to the door guy. I also told him but our other guests that were part of the party and would be giving my name to get in.

So, fast forward a while and it is after midnight. This club had probably 5 small VIP sections and one large one. Well, we got put in to one of the smaller ones and I was having a pretty good time. I guess there was probably a dozen of us in there (We had let some guys in, and a few more girls). I only had maybe 3 drinks all night. It wasn't the money (although each of them fuckers were like $11 a piece) and was starting to get a raging headache, but realized early on that I was in this for the long haul. I took a few Motrin and sat down away from most of the commotion. I am just chillin, watchin all the action, and I look over to see Lorie making out with one of the hooters chicks, and I wasn't the only one watching. Everyone had quite the show for a good five minutes before they got up together and went back to the dance floor.

I was talking with one of the other Hooters chicks, trying to get on top of my headache, and I see them coming back from the bathroom, and I notice Lorie putting her underwear (or what I thought were her underwear) in her little purse. I thought nothing about it really, other than wondering why she would take them off when she had a skirt on. Well, I soon found out why. Not 5 minutes later, I watched the other Hooters girl nonchalantly start to bang Lorie under her coat. Nobody else was watching this time, that I could see, and when I saw her eyes roll back in her head, I knew what had happened. LOL.

Fast forward again to about 2am. The club was closing, and people were scrambling for cabs. Everyone except for us. I had called for the car to pick us up, and the Concierge didn't disappoint again. He had made arrangements to send over a private limo to pick us up.

There weren't any booze in the car (thank god, these other girls were tanked enough as it was). The whole ride back to the hotel, Lorie and Hooters girl number one went at it. This time, Hooters didn't try to hide the fact that she was knuckle deep in Lorie while they made out. Hooters #2 and I just sat there and watched. Now, normally, I think I may have been more excited about this (It was still fun to watch), but my headache had come back even worse, and just wasn't in the mood. I put my head back and closed my eyes and was inches from falling asleep when I felt a hand on my thigh. I opened my eyes to Hooters girl #2 (Sorry, I just totally can't remember their names) looking at me with "fuck me eyes".

I would love to say that was when the night really got fun, but I just couldn't. We did kiss, and she tried to "feel me up" for lack of a better term, but she tasted like old alcohol and stale cigarettes. I really tried, because I was pretty horny, but the headache just wouldn't let go, and ended up telling her so. She was gorgeous, don't get me wrong, I just couldn't. She understood and said she was just havin fun and not to think to much in to it. However, she did give me her phone number and said that I should give her a call before I leave town.

I fall asleep in my clothes with my raging headache. My alarm goes off 2 hours later at 4:30, and after struggling to look at my schedule for the day on my too bright fucking phone, reset my alarm for 6:30 and go back to sleep. When I woke, my headache was mostly gone, and the realization that my job was freaking-me-the-fuck-out rushed back in, and within minutes was puking.

After I composed myself a bit, I took a shower and tried to call Lorie about a dozen times. She had to be at the show by 10am, when 8 finally came around, and I still couldn't get ahold of her, I went to her room. After I knocked the second time, I could hear shuffling around in the room. It was Lorie who answered the door and she looked like absolute hell, and didn't seem to care one little bit that she didn't have a stitch of clothing on.

She invited me in, and although I tried to just say what I had to, and leave, she insisted. Hooters girl was gone, and the room looked surprisingly clean and organized. After hearing her story about how she never does things like this, and how much fun it was, she got in the shower. I once again tried to excuse myself, but she wanted me to stay.

She had no modesty whatsoever, and when she came out of the shower, still dripping wet, I couldn't keep from watching her dry off. She was very very pretty, and had a great body. It was hard not to look, and she knew it. That's when she asked if I would lick her pussy. HA HA, just kidding. So, she gets ready, and watching her was like watching Michelangelo paint. Her makeup case was quite the sight to see, and the way she layered her makeup, put on different colors, blended them and the different creams and lotions she put on first................anyways, it was actually fun to watch. I actually asked her if she would show me how to do some of that, and the next thing I know, she has me wash my face with expensive looking washy stuff, and she starts putting my makeup on. I came out of there looking like a different person, and feeling like a million bucks.


Okay, so all of that happened on Monday. Lorie did her part, signed a ton of autographs and was super professional. I spent the better part of Tuesday setting things up and confirming reservations for next week in Florida. I spent most of the day at the show, but I stayed in back for the most part. It was quieter, and the only place where the WiFi worked in the building. I saw Lorie a couple of times, we exchanged pleasantries, but that was it. I stayed until 3 and went back to the hotel room to finish things up and confirm transportation back to the airport for some people, and confirm arrivals of others. That night, Lorie came and kicked it in my room and we just visited and watched TV. That's when she told me that her agent called her that day, and when she got back to LA, had an audition with Kurt Sutter (and others) for a small part in Sons Of Anarchy. We talked about that for quite a while, and she promised me that if she got the part that she would either try and get me access to the set for that day or at the very least, get me Charlie's (Jax) autograph. FUCKIN SWEET.

She flew out yesterday morning, and we have been texting back and forth ever since. She is a cool chick, and hopefully a new friend. I have to be in the LA area in July, and she wants to get together and she will show me the sights and introduce me to some cool people. If we are still in contact by then, I will definitely take her up on that.

One last thing, I got a note when I got back to the hotel today that a "Miss Holly" had left a message to call her. I haven't decided if I will yet, but I will let you know.

A whirlwind week.

So, I fly in to my destination, and I am met by a hotel limousine, which I later find out is not completely uncommon. My trainer meets me in the lobby and helps me check in, stow my bags in my room, and we walk down the street to a restaurant for a late lunch. So, as we walk, she is toting a 2 big bags, and we when get seated, hands me one of the bags. It's a laptop bag with, well obviously a laptop, but also an Ipad, a new Verizon Iphone, 3 credit cards in my name, and 75 to 100 rewards cards from hotels, rental car agencies, etc.
So, we have a quick lunch, and I am thrust in to fire feet first. She has been very helpful, and seems to know just about everyone we run in to. It's amazing what I have learned from her. For instance, there are a lot of hotels where I would stay for a week. She tips her housekeeping staff. I have never ever ever thought of doing that, but she gets anything she wants from them, they all know her by name and she is treated like a queen. The Concierge where we stayed on the first trip knew her by name, made reservations for us at this mega-exclusive restaurant where the meal for both of us would have cost in excess of $200 had it not been picked up for us by the hotel, and when we got back, she tipped him $50. She said she won't tip him again until we leave, but those tips get her triple their value.

So, we get to our next destination, and we have a full day to relax and do nothing, and I am just fuckin fried. This was last Wednesday I think. Anyhow, we land at 10:30, I check in to my room, take a hot bath and crash until about 7 that night. I take a shower, get dressed, answer some text messages, and call my trainer. I ask if she wants to get something for dinner, she tells me she has already eaten, but that I should call room service that they have the best "fill-in-the-blank". I tell her that I want to get out for a bit, and she tells me to go down to the front counter, ask them to call me a cab, and ask them to recommend a great place to eat. I thank her, go downstairs, walk outside, light up a cigarette, and see a Taco Bell down the street. I go back inside, ask the clerk if this is a safe neighborhood and if it was okay to walk to Taco Bell, and they use my name when answering, and say it is fine.

So, I go eat, am walking back, and my trainer calls. She asks to meet me in the lounge so we can discuss the upcoming events, and help me help myself to take care of everything on my own. We sit in the lounge till almost 9:30 local time when the place starts filling up, and we decide to call it a night. I finish my drink, go outside to have a cigarette, and as I am walking back in, I ask the clerk if she has a newspaper from today. She does, and while making small talk, says that I look really tired. I explain that I am a total wreck, can't seem to catch up on sleep, and I am sore from head to toe from going going going 16 hours a day. She tells me to enjoy the rest of my evening, and I go back up to the room where I take another bath, and fall asleep watching TV by 11:00. My alarm goes off at 4:30, I get up, get ready and go downstairs to meet my trainer for breakfast. By the time we are done with breakfast, our day is already starting.

So, I am back at the hotel 4 or 5 times that day helping VIP's and clients get checked in, when the Concierge comes up to me, hands me a card with a ladies name on it, and says that when I get back tonight, call her and she will come to my room and give me the greatest massage known to man, and it is compliments of the hotel. I have only done professional massages a couple of times, and although I left relaxed, it was just not something I really cared all that much for. I put the card in my purse and had decided that I wasn't going to bother with it. By the time I get back to the hotel, it's 8:30 and am so ready to totally crash. In the elevator going up, I decide to see if the massage lady is available.

She tells me she can be at my room by 9:30, and tells me that the concierge has already taken care of the fees. So, I shower, get dressed and fell asleep by the time she knocked on my door. She introduces herself, and she is in her mid-thirties, almost 6' tall, and looks a bit like Chyna, the wrestler, except with red hair. She asks me to go undress down to nothing, and come back out with a towel on. When I come out of the bathroom, the lights are off, and she has some candles going with some soft Chinese kind of music. She has a table already set up with some soft blankets. She asks me to undo the towel but keep it on as I lie down. She covers me with blankets, and pull the towel out from underneath.

I lost track of time because I actually fell asleep a couple of times. It was AWESOME. So, I think it had been about 45 minutes or so, when she asks me to flip over. I do as she asks, she starts massaging my legs, my arms, my hands, etc...when she asks if I would like a "Yanni?" massage. At least I think that's what she says. I say yes before I really have a chance to think about it, trying not to act like a dumb Idaho hick. She lift the blanket up above my waist and starts massaging my inner thighs. LIKE MY INNER THIGHS, LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO MY PUSSY!!! So, I start to tense up a little bit, not knowing what is happening when I find myself starting to enjoy it. I am still a bit apprehensive, but all in all it's all good. So, I am thinking to myself that Yanni must be the area right at the edge of the inner thighs and after about five minutes, I feel myself getting wet. Now I am really becoming uncomfortable because I just know that somehow I am going to start leaking or something, or she is going to see me getting wet.................AAAAH!. I hear her pop open the oil again, and she start pouring it "my mound" for lack of a better word. I can feel the oil start to make it's way down between my lips and inside I am screaming. I don't want to say anything, but I do. She starts massaging up above and before I know it she has is massaging my clit. This big-ass red head is fucking fingering me! But it's totally not like anything I have felt before. It almost feels "clinical". She has a rhythm, and a process that she is going through, and I can feel myself relaxing from my hair down to my toes. Then, without warning, she actually sticks one, then two fingers just inside my pussy. With her thumb, she is massaging my clit, and minutes later, I have an orgasm. She acts like this is nothing new, wipes her hands off with a towel, and finishes with rubbing my neck and my head. She goes in to the bathroom and for me to take my time getting up, and to knock on the door when I am done.

My head is swimming, but I am more relaxed than I have been in MONTHS. I get up, wrap the towel around me, and grab $20 from my purse. I knock on the door, try to hand her the $20, she refuses saying that it has all been taken care of. She hands me a bottle of water, (Don't know where she got it), tells me to drink all of it, and try to drink another before I go to bed, packs up her stuff, and hands me another card and tells me that if I should ever need her services again, to give her a call.

DAMN, I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN.