Had a great time.

 To the "MeThinks" person, you can go fuck yourself. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you don't like my blog, don't read it, I really couldn't give two shits. I write it for my enjoyment, and I write about my life. Believe it or not motherfucker, there are women like me all over the place. Keep your comments to yourself if you don't have something nice to say. Oh yeah, go fuck yourself.


I had a great time in San Diego with Amy, and it was everything that I wanted. Well, to put it more accurately, I didn't anything more than to just have a great little mini-vacation with my friend. 

So, I get to Salt Lake, and I gotta say, without my GPS I would've never found Amy's apartment. She called me just as I was pulling in, and met me downstairs with hugs and excitement. I went upstairs with her while she called the cab. We sat and visited for only a few minutes before the taxi showed up. When we got in to the cab, Amy put her hand in mine as we sat and talked. It was more of a friendly gesture than anything else really, but it was really nice. 


The Salt Lake airport is not as bad as others, but what they do to you before you go through the gates is a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. The line was a fucking mile long, and those people doing the screenings were just the most pleasant people. They have to hate their jobs, I just know it. 


The flight was pretty uneventful, but the weather caused some pretty significant turbulence. By the time we got to the hotel, we were both pretty tired, and both felt pretty dirty from being around all those people, and from flying. 


Amy took a shower first while I watched TV and unpacked all my shit. She came out fully dressed, which should have been my first hint that I should've taken clothes in with me to the bathroom. Yeah, No. So, I take a shower, quite long I must add, and figure that I had to towel it up to come out. 


So I come out, start to grab my clothes, and get immersed in some stupid Real Estate show that Amy is watching. Next thing I know, I am sitting on her bed, clothes in my lap, watching the damn show. So, commercial comes on, I go to get up, and Amy grabs the towel. HA HA funny. So, in all my glory, I bend over in front of her to put on my underwear and made sure she got a good look at the moon, slapped my ass, and put on my underwear. 


So, we sat there visiting until almost 2:30 in the morning. We fell asleep in the same bed with no covers on and when I got cold at 4, I woke up, turned the lights off, did my best to cover Amy, and got in to the other bed. 


The great thing about hotels, they have the best curtains. I woke up at 10:30ish only because I had to pee so bad. The room was still cold, so I got in the shower again. I had been just standing under the water forever after I had washed my hair. I didn't wash it the night before, before it gets pretty oily, and I always wash it in the morning. Anyhow, I was just standing there, being lazy, and letting the water just run and run and run, trying to get warm. I was in my own little world when the door opened. Amy was her usual chipper morning self, and she came in half singing "good morning". She asked how I slept, I asked her, blah blah blah and then the curtain opened and she climbed in. She asked if I minded, and I said I didn't. I moved over, and she moved in right next to me (which was no easy feat considering the size of the tub). Then she kissed me. Not an open mouth french kiss (neither one of us had brushed our teeth, yuck), but a kiss on the mouth. Then she kissed my neck and it was on. We played around in the shower for just a couple of minutes, and things were getting really really hot. I excused myself and said I had to brush my teeth, and as she washed her hair, she asked me to hand her her tooth brush. 


When she got out of the shower, she didn't even bother drying off, and planted a huge kiss on me, and it was on from there. 

I have to run some errands, so I will post more of the story later. 

Just booked airfare

I woke up this morning to my friend Leslie knocking on my door. She knew everything I was going through, and wanted to take me to breakfast to celebrate my new life. I hurried up and showered, and out the door we went. Breakfast was nice, and we got to visit quite a bit. But during this time, we started discussing about going and doing something fun for the weekend. So, where can we drive to that would be fun? Salt Lake, Missoula, Billings, Boise.........Vegas? So I told her that we should go to San Diego for the weekend, and then the conversation turned in to taking her boyfriend along, blah blah blah..........HOLD IT. I am not going on some trip so I can be the third wheel with Leslie and her boyfriend. She dropped me off at my place because I said I had some things to do, and said I would call her later and we could discuss it. that was 5 hours ago, and I still haven't called her. So, as I sat at home contemplating what I was going to do, I got a text from my friend Amy in Salt Lake. She used to live here, moved to Vegas for a while to follow a guy, and then 6 months ago, followed that same dude to Salt Lake. She immediately fell in love with the area, and when her man couldn't hold down his job in Salt Lake, wanted to move back to Vegas. Well, she didn't follow him back there. I haven't seen her since she moved to Salt Lake, but we used to be pretty close. She is bi like I am , but has always leaned more towards guys, where I ............ well you know how I am. Amy was the first girl that I ever went "all the way with", and it was a two way thing.

Anyways, I get a text from her asking if I wanted to come down for the weekend because she had a rare 3 day weekend coming up because of her schedule. So, I called her and we talked for the better part of an hour. During that conversation, I talked her in to going to San Diego with me. I hung up, and found tickets out of Salt Lake tonight with a layover in Las Vegas. I am going to leave here at about 3 because I we fly out at 7:30 tonight. I paid for her ticket, and I paid for the hotel with 2 beds. I tried to get a rental car, but most of the agencies won't rent to you unless you are 25, and I figure we can Taxi it everywhere we want to go.

I got off the phone with her, and I know it was because in my own mind I can see how this weekend is going to go, but I was extremely horny. I got in the shower again, and although it started out hot, for whatever reason, started turning it colder and colder, really enjoying the invigorating sensation I was getting. I was shivering like all get out, but once I started masturbating, I got hotter, and the shower got colder. The sensation was unreal, and I came harder than I have in a long time. When I got out, I was still horny, so I laid on the bed watching one of my favorite pornos and gave myself the full treatment, anal and all. It's going to be a great weekend.

I am really stupid

After I was offered money for sex, I guess I was just really flattered. Wow, I am one hot bitch.........they want to give me $5000 to fuck me. But as the day went on yesterday, I felt more and more cheap. By 7:00 I was so pissed that they even thought of me in that way that I about ready to have a complete come-apart. I sent "her" a text message on my phone and more or less said thanks for but no thanks. I tried to leave it at that, but she had to text back asking why. So, using the best words that I could muster I said that I don't need the money, and I am not a prostitute. She texted back saying that they weren't treating me like a prostitute, blah blah blah.....I didn't even bother to answer. So, this morning at work, guess who should come in. I get this super dirty look from him, and he says something "smarmy" to me (Not a word, who cares) so I stand up, and follow him out. I got right in his face (He is over 6 foot) and in not so many words, tell him "Motherfucker, you ever, and I mean ever, make another smart ass fucking comment about me saying no to being your fucking whore, I will take my cell phone over to the nearest cop and file charges against you. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME! He got all apologetic with me, and said it wasn't aimed at me..............WHATEVER! It makes no difference. I may treat myself like a piece of garbage who loves sex and will do whatever I want when it comes to sex, but no motherfucker is going to treat me like a prostitute whore piece of trash.

So, anyways, I got home early last night, fucked around on facebook for a while, answered some emails, lit like 50 candles in my bathroom, and climbed in to a way-too-hot bath at about 8. I found a radio station playing Christmas music and before I even knew what was going on, I was crying. Yeah, sobbing like a little bitch, and it wouldn't stop. But the more I cried, the more I realized that I just............needed to cry. I don't really know why. Well, I do know why, but I am not that chick that does that shit. I don't cry at movies, I don't watch Lifetime, have never watched a soap opera, and I don't need a fucking man in my life to feel fullfilled. But, there I was crying. After a few minutes, I stopped and just sat there in my water, listening to my Christmas music. And then, all at once, I seriously felt happy.

I can't really explain it, but it was almost like I woke up. I was no longer tired, no longer in the mood to sulk in a candlelit bathtub, and I actually felt a smile creep across my face. The little smile turned in to a big smile and I seriously felt happy. Still naked, and dripping water, I walked in my living room, sat down at my laptop and pulled up my bank account. I had more money in my checking account than a person should have, and I had a BIG chunk of money in my savings account. I just sat there and stared at it. It's not like I forgot it was there, but I forgot it was there. I mean, I forgot to remember that it was in there. I looked back at my checking account, and the page was filled with direct deposits from my jobs, and almost no withdrawls for anything. I hardly ever use my debit card. One of my checks I actually get "a check". Those are the checks that I cash to have cash. When I need something, I generally use cash except when I buy gas. I felt like I was had been living my life from the outside, and I finally had control over my life.........it was just a feeling I had. I grabbed my blackberry and started scrolling through my different shifts. I was scheduled to work 84 hours next week, and I was scheduled to work Christmas Eve, and the evening of Christmas Day.

WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I DOING?

I got dressed, put on makeup, did my hair, and took off out the door without even knowing where I was going to go. Well, I wish I could say that I had some great adventure, but I ended up over at a friends apartment smoking pot and watching Christmas cartoons most of the night. But I was happy doing it.

I got home just a little after midnight, and crashed in the clothes I had on. I was dog tired. When my alarm went off at 5, I turned it off and went back to sleep. I woke up to my phone ringing at 8:30 to the sound of my boss Joyce asking me "If I was planning on coming to work today". I didn't hate that job, but I was just the low bitch on the totem pole, and everyone treated me that way. So, I say to her "Have I ever, and I mean ever called in sick in the 2 years I have worked there?" She had to think of that answer, so I told her "No, I have never called in sick. Have I ever gotten a raise working there? No, I haven't. Did I get a Christmas bonus this year when everyone else did? No. Tell you what Joyce, to answer YOUR questions, NO, I am not planning on coming in to work today, and I am not planning on coming in to work tomorrow, or the day after that. I quit. I will be in later to collect the stuff from my desk. Good bye Joyce." When I hung up, I just bust out laughing. I wasn't planning on doing that,and it felt so good to do it. Joyce called me right back, but I let the voice mail get it. Her message said something like "We need to talk about this before you quit, and if I could call her back, she would like to meet me for lunch." I waited 20 minutes or so, and called her back. She apologized, and really starting buttering me up. I make an appointment to meet her for lunch at 12:30.

All morning, I really contemplated not going. I went to the gym in the morning for the first time in a few weeks, and it was really nice to work out without a ton of people there. I was still really happy. I showered at the gym, and went back home to change my clothes. I got in to some super nice (job interview style) clothes, and went to meet her for lunch. It was during this lunch that she offered me a new job, full time with benefits, a healthy raise, paid training, paid holidays and 2 weeks vacation. Along with that, she also gave me a bonus that totally blew me away when I opened it. I accepted the job, but told her that I needed a week off to give notice to my other jobs, and to take a few days for myself. That's when she asked "So, you have another job?" I told her about the 4 other jobs that I have and she started crying.

I left lunch feeling really good about myself, and planned on going around to my other jobs to give them a weeks notice, but as I started to drive over to one of them, I said fuck it. I pulled my car in the a lot, saw a coffee hut, ordered a mocha, and pulled in to a vacant spot. I then spent the next 15 minutes quitting every one of my other jobs (except for 1, because I really like it, and it's fun). But I did call that place and tell them that I need a week off of personal time, but would be back to work before Christmas. He asked if there was anything that he could help me with, I told him no, and said I would see him in a week. I sat there, drinking my mocha and just smiled.

I spent the rest of the day calling and visiting friends, and just generally having a really good time. I got home at 5:30, got in to my pajamas and started to relax. I haven't been this relaxed in a really long time, and when I sat on my couch in front of my laptop, I let out a big breath, like a sigh of relief. I don't know what clicked in me last night in the bathtub, but I am glad it did.

Was just offered a sizable amount of money..................

I have a customer that has come in to my place of employment since I have been here. I see him once or twice a month, and he is always very nice. He is flirty without going overboard, and has brought his wife in with him on occasion. He is in his mid 40's, and his wife may be about the same age, but I doubt it, she looks younger. Anyhow, he came in this morning, and gave me a Christmas card, and told me to open it later. It's not uncommon for customers to send us, or bring us Christmas cards, but I have never had anyone give me one personally.

So, I get home about an hour ago, and forgot the card was in my purse. I open the card, and inside is a $50 gift certificate to Johnny Carinos, and a nice little note written inside the card. There was also a slip of paper, folded in half, inside the card. It was in his wife's writing, and this is what it said.

Dear Samantha
You are probably not used to getting Christmas cards from your customers, but you have always done a great job for my husband and I, and I hope that you have someone special that you share the gift card with. If you are looking for extra money for the holidays, I have a proposition for you that you can choose to ignore if you would like. I would like you to be my husbands Christmas present this year. I know that is quite the proposal, but at least think about it. It would be worth it for you, I can guarentee that. Call me at XXX-XXXX if you would like, and we can discuss the details. 

I didn't even think about the implications because my curiosity was killing me. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed her up. After she answered the phone, I told her who I was and I could just hear the excitement in her voice. To shorten up the 45 minute conversation, here is what was proposed. For $5000, I would be her husbands gift. I would be expected to have sex with him, and pretty much allow him to do whatever he wanted. She asked what I would be willing to do, and told her I was pretty much game to anything as long as violence, body fluids or really weird shit wasn't involved. She then told me that she would also like to join in on the fun and when the night was done, it was done. I told her I had to think about it, and asked if she had ever done this type of thing, to which she said yeah, about every five years.


I don't need the money by any stretch of the imagination, but I am interested to see how this goes. Like I have said before, I am bi. I haven't had sex with a guy in a very long time, but it's not out of the question yet. I am just not sure what to do. Oh, and I forgot to mention that they want to record it. 
 

The problem with working long hours.

Today, I worked 17 hours. Yesterday, I worked 11. I will only work 7 hours tomorrow, but Thursday I have two 8 hour shifts, and then a 5 hour shift at night. Friday is the same, but Saturday I only work 6 hours, and Sunday another 6. Yeah, I have 4 jobs. Why you ask? Good question. I hate being at home alone. I like the people that I work with most of the time, I get to meet new people, and I like the money. Sure, I don't get much sleep, but when I get the chance, that's all I really do. I have more money in my bank account than I know what to do with, I have everything that I want, but I am only marginally happy. I know, nobody cares, and I don't expect you too..........but this is my blog and I can talk about anything I want. The only thing that makes me happy really, is sex. Something else that I haven't had in a while now. I have had encounters, a couple of which I have talked about on here, but damn, I guess I am just too picky. Well, not really picky I guess, but I want more I guess. No, not love, but more sex. I can't explain it. Okay enough of that shit. Gotta tell you what happened today. One of my jobs is working in a bookstore/music store. My hours are all over the place, and I try to work the later shifts. So, I get to work at 3, clock in, check in with the manager and walk out to the sales floor to check the registers. As I am walking through one of the book aisles, this girl who looks all of about 12 asks me where the self help books are. I ask her which self help books she is looking for exactly, and she tells me that she is looking more for books on relationships and sex. But she didn't say sex, I can't remember the word she used, but she meant sex. Well, there is a young adult section (Tweens, teenagers, etc) that I take her too, and there are some of those book there. She tells me that she is looking for more mature subject matter. I try to explain to her that those books are intended for adults over 18 when she stops me. She asks me how old I think she is (not in a nice way either), and in my best customer service voice, I tell her that I did not know her age, but I was trying to steer her in to age appropriate content. Again, in a not so pleasant voice, asks me how old I think she is. Now, when I say she looks about 12, that is being a little sarcastic, but honestly, I didn;t think she looked a day over 14. 15 was a total stretch. She pulls her drivers license out of her back pocket and she is 23. I am blown away. But then I started to ask myself, if I thinks she is that young, everybody is probably thinking she is that young, and you get used to that sort of thing. I know for a fact that I don't look 21, and probably won't for a few more years. I am used to getting carded, I am used to people thinking I am 17.........I use it to my advantage. But not her, she was pissed that I didn't know she was "of age". Whatever, she was a cute girl, and I ran in to her twice more through the store. She went back to being nice, but the only thing I could think of was "If I had sex with her, and if I think she looks like she is 14, is that like actually fucking a 14 year old? no, really? Does it. Just something to ponder. I mean, I have had much older men hit on me, and most of them have made comments that I look much younger than 21, or 20 or 19 or whatever age I was when they hit on me. Once you make that comment to me, all I can think about is "you are a perv who wants to fuck High School girls." So, yeah., there is my rant for the night.

I said yes

So, earlier today, I got a text from the Psychology student friend of mine. She wanted to know my answer. I asked her a bunch of questions like why? Why in person? How does this help you with your paper? Is anyone else going to do that for her? I didn't really like her answers, but something was telling me that I should say yes, so I did. Come to find out, it was just part of her paper to ask, and that if I said yes, she would have more questions for me, and she would never ask to watch me masturbate. I was seriously relieved. I have done some crazy shit in my day, but that would be right at the top of the list.

So, have you ever had a sexual dream about a movie star? I have definitely had dreams where celebrities and the like have populated my dreams. For me, it is completely normal. I have a lot of dreams that actually play out like a movie or a television show. But they don't play out like a television show in my dream, because I am actually in them, but the shit that I am doing is just like a damn movie. Anyways, I have always had this chick crush on Drew Barrymore. I don't know why. Ever since I saw her in the Wedding Singer a long damn time ago, I have just always had this crush on her. Well, I guess it was because I happened to be watching a show last night that showed that makeup ad that she is in, but either way, she made her way in to my dream.

A lot of times, my dreams don't have much cohesion to them. They just seem to be a lot of unrelated scenes all put together in succession, and they don't make much sense. Last night was like that. All I really know is that we were on a cruise ship or something, and we were next to the edge on the deck of the boat somewhere, and we were making out. Neither one of us had our shirts on, but nobody was watching either. Next thing I know, we are eating dinner together, and she is sitting across from me, but has reached under the table and is fingering me. She was sitting up straight, so she must have had some super long arms, but that didn't seem to matter in my dream. She came to my side, and we started making out again, and tearing each other clothes off and pouring cold champagne down each others chests. I think there was one point where we were both naked in bed, but I only remember snippets of that part. So yeah, there is my dream with Drew and me. 

A student friend of mine

My friend Tarah is going to school and is working on her degree in Psychology. I don't know what kind of degree it is, or what kind of psychology it is, but all of that is irrelevant anyhow. Now when I say "friend", I use that term loosely. We have hung out together on occasion, but always with other mutual friends, have always been friendly when we see each other around town, and above all, are Facebook friends.

Anyhow, I am on "The Facebook" the other night, when the chat box comes up. It's Tarah. She asked what I was up to, said not much...blah blah blah...ten minutes later, she drops the bombshell. She tells me blah blah blah school paper blah blah research blah blah wants my help with something. I ask her what she needs my help with and she tells me that her paper is about sex and masturbation and how it's viewed in our society, and other societies. I ask her again how I can help, and she tells me she wants to interview me regarding sex. She has 100 questions she wants to ask me, and when she puts the answers in to her computer, she may have more to ask. I tell her yes, and we agree to meet when I got off work the next day at 10:30 at night at Hastings.

I have never answered questions like these, but I can totally imagine they are the same kinds of questions asked by 1000 different psychology students over the years. It took about an hour, and she was really professional about it, even when I wasn't. LOL. I answered the questions truthfully, but was having fun with it. 

So, I guess that was last Wednesday. I get a call from her Friday asking if she can ask me some more questions, and these were quite a bit more personal, and I felt a bit uncomfortable at first. But, it is what it is, and I just went with it.

Well, earlier today, I got a text from her asking if I had ever taped myself having sex. I told her yes, and she asked if I had copies of the videos. I told her no, that I had destroyed them all, and asked her why. She told me that for part of her research she wanted to view videos of people she had interviewed. I didn't really understand, but it didn't matter, I didn't have any videos. Then she dropped the OTHER BOMB.

SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD WATCH AND VIDEO TAPE ME MASTURBATING.

I told her I would get back to her, I really haven't decided yet.

My last post

Once again, my post dragged on and on and on.......................I said I wasn't going to do that. I am going to finish up the story in just a paragraph or two.

She found my little blue buddy in the bathroom but didn't say anything about it until later in the night. We sat around drinking wine and talking until after 3am. We were both super-shit faced, and the only thing that happened that night was we made out for a bit, fingered each other, played with some titties and fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up at 5something and had to pee really really bad. I did my bizness, and went out and woke her up and asked her to join me in bed. We slept until noon and when we woke up together, had some of the most awesome "morning" sex I have ever had.

Hello once again my peeps and followers.

I am still wrestling with my demons, but they are weak little fuckers and I am winning the battle. Sex in general is frowned upon in my community unless it will directly lead to procreation. But I am slowly finding out that what is presented as gospel becomes something quite different behind closed doors.

I hinted at an incident on my "stumbleupon" account regarding seeing an adult video of a good little Mormon girl I know doing things that are totally against her upbringing. When I say I know her, she is more of an acquaintance that I know through work. I know her enough to know that prior to me finding the video, her story was that she was a virgin, and most acts of a sexual nature grossed her out. Me and another girl from work had a great time mostly making up gross sexual stories to get her reaction. Her reaction was always one filled with disgust and looks of embarrassment.  So, for the full story:

I had a friend over at the house one afternoon, and for whatever reason we were looking at a known free porn site and just seeing the different "home" videos that were posted. (Not a lesbian kind of thing with her, just so ya know). Anyways, we came across a video with a description that looked like we couldn't pass it up. The video starts in a bedroom, and a guy setting up a camera (the girl has knowledge of it if that's what you are thinking). The guy has a remote, and it must be hooked to a TV next to the camera, because as he gets on the bed, he starts zooming in and out like a movie director. At first, the lighting isn't all that good, but he gets back up and turns on another light. He zooms back in, and it didn't strike me at first how familiar she looked. She starts out with her ass towards the camera, and starts giving him head. Mr. Director himself moves her over to the side so he can watch what is happening. The video then cuts to her riding him "reverse cowgirl" style. When she starts moaning and talking dirty is when I make the connection. That is the point that I start freaking the fuck out. I tell my friend who she is and in the middle of me explaining why this is so damn funny, he zooms in just in time for her to slide her ass over his cock. She has obviously done that before, you don't just anal sex on a whim and act like you enjoy it. The video ends with him blowing his load all over her face and chest.

So, at work the next day, I pull out my I-phone at lunch and find the video and show it to my coworker. She recognized her almost right away, and was just as hysterical when I told her that's what I thought. When he started to fuck her in the ass, she started freaking out even more. At the end of the video, she asked to watch it again, and about a minute in to the short video, Molly Mormon came in. I wasn't going to say anything right then, but my coworker couldn't resist.

Well, as expected, Molly Mormon starts crying hysterically, all the while saying it's not her. We tried to talk to her, and when she calmed down, got pretty pissed. Pissed at us for "finding" it, pissed at her boyfriend for posting it, pissed that there are places to upload personal videos, etc. She leaves the room to yell at her boyfriend and my coworker and I just break out laughing. Luckily we composed ourselves before Molly came back in.

When we finally got her to open up about it, we found out how much of a freak she was. I won't give ages, but she first had sex when she was much much too young to be doing it. She continued having sex with this older boy for a year until he moved away. She stole a dildo from the older sister of a non-mormon friend and almost immediately started experimenting with different uses for it. She befriended a boy in her neighborhood for one reason. Sex. Her mom caught them before they had started doing anything, and after a huge uproar where everyone got involved from church leaders to grandparents to aunts and uncles, she swore off of the sin until she got married. That lasted 2 days. At first, it was a "just in the shower" thing. That held her off for a couple of weeks. Then she was back to her dildo and didn't have "sex" again until last year when she met her boyfriend.

She met "him" at a party where she was "pressured" in to having a couple of drinks. An hour after she met him, she was in his car giving him a blowjob. The next day, he picked her up from home and a half an hour later was fucking him in the backseat of his car. It quickly progressed in to what she called "porno" sex. He lived with a roommate who was never home, and things got nasty. They would watch a porno, and do whatever they were doing in the porno. That included everything except for the girl on girl stuff, but went as far as including ATM's (Ass to mouth). They finally started taping it, and she thought that she had all the copies hidden at home. Yeah, well, except for the one.

That is my point, there is a lot that goes on behind closed doors in this community. Another case in point: A friend of mine, who was 17 at the time, knew a guy from her mom's work. (I am going to use some terms that I know nothing about here, so bare with me). This guy had a calling in his church where he was high up in the church. He was married in the temple, had two children, and was very active in his church. This guy also did side jobs, including sprinkler systems. Well, her parents had him install a system and my friend just happened to be out suntanning in a bikini that day. (She is A LOT like me). She started talking to him, which led to a water fight, which led to them fucking in her bedroom. They had sex 3 more times in the course of him putting in the sprinkler system. (HIGH UP IN HIS CHURCH!)

I know of another woman who was very active in her church who was regularly having sex with her son's best friend (He was in his twenties). Another friend of mine got married in the temple, and within two weeks caught her husband "sexting" a male co-worker!

My community is so Mormon! They are all "better than us", but behind closed doors, they are JUST LIKE US! It just bugs me. Most of my friends were baptized LDS, and though some of them follow the guidelines of their church, many of them are just as bad as me, if not worse.

So, enough of my rambling. Lets talk about sex! So, I met a woman at a bookstore of all places. ( I am still kind of seeing her). I don't normally do the whole "book store" thing, but I had an unexpected night off, was bored, was lonely, and wanted something cheap to do. I searched for a book, bought it with a large Mocha and a couple of cookies, took off my coat, and found a comfortable chair. I had been there probably an hour when the urge to use the bathroom overtook me. I set my book down and asked this pretty woman sitting close to me if she would watch my stuff. She agreed, and when I got back, she struck up a conversation about the book I was reading. I didn't think anything of it, and we ended up talking about various things for the better part of an hour. I was probably about 8 and I realized that I was hungry, so I got up to excuse myself and explained why. She asked where I was going, and told her I didn't really know. She said that she hadn't eaten either, and asked if I had ever been Lucy's. (It's a pizza place).

So we agree on her meeting me at my place, and for us to go over there in her car. The whole time over there, I am thinking that this is pretty much a date, but don't know how. I wasn't reading a book that put a balloon over my head saying that I was "bi" or a lesbian, and even after talking with her for an hour, I wasn't completely sure that she was. But it sure sounded like I was being asked out. "Shannon" is 34, and will be 35 on Christmas day. She is probably about 5'7, weighs maybe 135/140, is pretty despite her minimal use of makeup, wears glasses, and has long brown hair that was pulled up when we met. So, we met at my place, and I asked her to come up so I could get a heavier coat. Once inside, I excused myself for a moment to "spruce up" as it were, and grab my coat. When I came out, she commented on how nice my place was, asked if I lived with anyone.......BOOM! alarms go off in my head. Am I being set up for something? Is she just being nice? Or is my living alone some part of her plan. I told her that I have a roommate (which I still don't) that usually gets home (glance at the clock) at about 9:00 or so. She asked if I was ready, I said yes, and then she asked me........."I just have to ask, not that it makes any difference, but I kind of got a feeling about you, that maybe, you were a lesbian." I was floored. I asked how she knew that, and she explained that she had been a lesbian since she was 14, and a lesbian in this town starts getting really acute "gaydar", and that although she is not always right, she usually was. With coy little smile on my face, I told her that I wasn't a lesbian, but I was a confused bisexual who hadn't slept with a man in a month of sundays. She smiled back and said "So, would it be wrong of me to consider this a date? Or is that assuming too much?" I told her that we could consider this a date, and I was surprised that she could tell that I was in to chicks. (LOL).

After dinner of greasy pizza, she asked if I wanted to go get a drink somewhere. I didn't really like the idea of going to one of the popular hangouts where I could run in to people I knew, and told her so. She said she knew of a place in Pocatello where we could go and just kick back and enjoy each others company. The ride down was just longer than an hour, and I really enjoyed talking to her. We talked about each others backgrounds, told some stories...........one of which I kind of got emotional about, and she laid her soft hand on the back of my neck and consoled me. I got shivers (the good kind) all the way down to my toes when she did that.

The bar was just as she explained, but I just wasn't all that in to it, and neither was she. I had a couple of twisted teas in me, and she only one, so we decided to jet. On our way back, we stopped at an Indian Casino,and after I spent $20 with no payout, got pretty bored with that. We talked all the way back in to Idaho Falls, and without asking, started driving me home. When she pulled in, I asked if she wanted to come up for another drink. When we got inside, she asked if she could use the bathroom. I was in the kitchen, told her where it was (As if she couldn't find it in the grand palace that is my apartment), and I no sooner heard the door shut when panic set in. My little blue friend was sitting right out in the open for all the world to see, right next to the shower.

Going a different way with my blog.................

My blog started to turn in to a "sex story" blog with me telling of my sex stories. That probably won't stop, but my problem is, I write to much. I go in to too much detail and it's just not needed. And because I do go in to so much detail, I put off writing my posts because I know how long it will take.......................

Anyways, I am wrestling with some major demons right now, and those demons are ones that I gave myself. I am a slut.........yeah, a slut. And I guess that is where my issue comes in. I love being a slut. I love sex, I love to fuck, I love getting nasty, I love different partners, I love to be fucked in the ass, fucked in my pussy.....anyways I like sex. But I wrestle with the fact that I shouldn't like it. I mean, what is wrong with me?

So, yeah.

My internet friend, continued

For the sake of this blog, my friends name is Jasmine. She is 29 year old divorcee lesbian. To hear her story, her ex cheated on her with a co-worker/mutual friend. The friend let is slip at a party where she was too drunk and stoned to realize who she was telling it to so Jasmine plotted to get his ass back. She knew this "other woman" was a skank bisexual and even though she had everything planned out to get her in the sack, she didn't realize it would be as simple as getting the bitch drunk and just plain asking. Her husband was on a hunting trip, so she had the house to herself. She brought her home, gave her some more wine, and then in plain view of her, set up his high-dollar video camera and pointed it right at the couch. Her and this chick started going at it (one of his biggest fantasies) and started getting freaky. Then, to top it all off, she had this other chick fuck her in the ass with a dildo (another fantasy of his that she would never succumb to). By the time she booted the drunk chick from her house, they had gone at it for a good two hours. She woke up the next morning, went and rented the biggest Uhaul truck she could, and cleaned out the entire house with the help of her brothers, and left him only his clothes. (A woman scorned huh?) She left the tape of her and the other woman with a note saying that if you can fuck her, I can too. Here is what you missed........and left him the tape.

Jasmine is also pretty well off(her words). Her grandfather owned a trucking company that run 100 or more trucks over the United States. When he died (she was pretty young), he left the company to her dad and his liquid assets to his granddaughters (she has one sister). The money grew over through the years, and when she turned 21, got a "shitload" of money. Her dad sold his trucking company to a much bigger trucking company, and his daughters each got 5% of the selloff money, which was even a bigger "shitload" of money. Her husband didn't get a nickel of her money when they divorced.

So after her tryst with the skank, she started exploring different aspects of her life. She sold the house that her and her husband shared, and had a new house built in Sandy. She started going out to clubs, and hooking up with random men and women, trying to fill some sort of void she thought she had. After a year of being stupid, she met 40something woman who she fell in love with. 2 months after the woman moved in with her, she got in a car accident in Park City and was killed.

So, now that you know a bit more about her, lets move in to the present.

The thought has crossed my mind more than once that all of this sounded too good to be true. I never did say what happened to Michelle, but she was another "too good to be true" girl. We are still friends, but even in the quasi-relationship that we had, she was too much. Jasmine seemed to have everything going for her, she was beautiful, had money, had a house, had a job, had a little of everything. But I really only had the time to think about this stuff when we weren't chatting.  But, once again, I just went with it.

So I get a call Thursday evening and she says that instead of her coming to me, I should come to her. And really, that does make sense. I like in a little Po-Dunk town, and she lives in Salt Lake City. It did raise some red flags, and I didn't have the time to spend money on a hotel, or the gas to get there. I tell her as much and she said that she has the hotel room taken care of, and she says that if I have the money to get down there, she will reimburse me for the gas. So I am sitting there thinking, why is she going to pay for everything, why is she going to give me gas money, why is she going to....................FUCK! I GOTTA STOP DOING THAT!  So, yeah, I went. I'm not exactly broke. My car is paid for, my rent is paid, I have money in the bank, but I only make $279 a week. I had the gas money. But if Jasmine wants to pay, let her pay.

Before I go to Salt Lake on Friday afternoon, I run in to Fred Myers to get some contact solution and to see if they have any cute bra and pantie sets. (Fred Myers is close to my work, that's the only reason I go in to the overpriced place). I parked at the wrong end, and I have to walk by the electronics department on my way to the clothes. Sitting on a table were some GPS's on clearance. $59 and some change for a TOMTOM 1. It's pretty cool. I don't know Salt Lake at all, so for $60 I won't get lost. Anyways, I find 2 bra/pantie sets, get my contact solution, and end up getting some concealer, some new powder hair stuff and 5 bottles of Sobe that were on sale. By the time I got out of there, I was in to that place for more than a $100.00.

I run home, grab my bag, plug in my GPS (play with that for 10-15 minutes before I figure it out), and run to Maverik to fill up before I leave town.

I call her when my GPS says I am half an hour away from my destination and she tells me she will meet me at the hotel. It is 6:30ish when I pull in to the parking lot. My heart was beating faster than it should, and my entire body was shaking. I wasn't ready for this. I keep a pack of cigarettes in the glove box, and pulled out the parking lot and lit one up. I was halfway in to it before I remembered that cigarettes make you stink. But I already stank, and finished the cigarette. I pulled over in to a parking lot, sprayed on some perfume, freshened my makeup, swished with some Listerine, got back in the car, and started over.

I found a parking spot really close to the entrance, and as I got out of my car, I saw her walking towards me. She was absolutely stunning. You can't tell how tall a person is from a webcam, and now that she is walking towards me, I realize that she is 6-7 inches taller than me. Okay, yeah, pretty much everyone is taller than me, but somehow she was different. I mean, she wasn't different, but I felt different about her being taller than me.  It's hard to explain.

So, as she is walking towards me, she says "Samantha?"
And what do I say? "Yep, the one and only." Yeah, I really said Yep!
We hugged and she smelled like Victoria Secret Love Spell. At that moment, that was the most wonderful scent I had ever smelled in my life. We had it planned that as soon as we saw each other, we would kiss, but I had forgotten about that for the moment. She hadn't. She lifted up my chin with one hand and planted a huge kiss on me. The peck turned in to a full on, get a fucking room, mormons are staring, make me instantly wet kind of kiss. I was pinned against the tailgate of my truck and we were totally going at it in the hotel parking lot.

I will write more later today if I can.

Kisses

I wasn't going to post anymore, but shit changes

For anyone that follows my stumbleupon thingy, whatever the fuck it is, I said I wasn't going to do anymore blogging on here, or on there or whatever.........I have had a shitty couple of months. I have been severely depressed, I lost one of my jobs, blah blah blah.........Yeah, whatever. I still see all my friends, but most of them stay away from me when I am in my funk. I am slowly getting out of it, but I go through points in my life where I get like this. So anyways..................

About a month ago, I met a girl online. It wasn't a dating site or anything like that, but I will just say we met online. So, we start talking a little, mostly small talk, and a lot of sexual talk. I already know she is a lesbian, and she knows that I am a confused, depressed bisexual. We don't talk every day, but when we do, we chat for hours, sometimes deep in to the night. She sends me a few pictures, and I send her a few. At first, they are all non-nude, us sitting in front of our computers at that moments, some candids from our own picture library, etc. 

At first, her pictures seemed to good to be true. Really. She has really really blond hair, deep blue eyes, a tad on the "emo" side and her body is absolutely rocking. The more we talk, the more we get in to how much sexually freaky we are. Then, out of the blue, she sends me a picture of her standing naked in front of her computer. At first, I didn't want to reciprocate, but I get three more pictures, back to back to back of her bending over, one with a finger in her pussy, and the last one is that finger in her mouth, looking all naughty. I stripped off my clothes and started taking pictures of myself. Before the night was over, we were on the phone with each other and doing the kind of phone sex that would make a sailor blush.

It was 1:30am before we said goodbye. I woke up the next morning with the after effects of a great dream still lingering in my head. I took care of business before I made my coffee, then again while I was in the shower. I couldn't get her out of my head. I was on my way out the door when I get a text from her saying she had a great time last night, and wanted to know if I wanted to "up it a notch". I went to Wally World when I got off of work and bought a webcam. That night was freakier than the last one and it was closed to 2am again when we logged off for the night.

I had to get some sleep so I told her I had to work late a couple of nights, but I would get back with her on Friday. (This is about 2 weeks ago). That Friday, I stayed home and we got "webcam freaky" again, and stayed online until 5:30 the next morning.

We chatted about every other day, sometimes we did the webcam thing, sometimes we didn't. I always ended the night with me getting off anyhow. So, last Wednesday, as we are chatting, she says that she has some free airline miles, and could use it to get a hotel in Idaho Falls if I wanted to meet in person. My heart started skipping out of my chest and I no sooner said yes, we started making plans about what we were going to do to each other and we finished the night by simultaneously getting off on the webcams.

My weekend fun to come later. Please tune in.

Michelle's clitty ring and the Drive In movie

At dinner last night, Michelle and I were trying to figure out what we were going to do for the night. We kicked around the idea of stopping by a RedBox and getting a movie, but generally all the good ones are gone by 6. Then we thought about just finding a movie on pay-per-view, and chilaxin with some popcorn and snacks. That conversation turned in to renting a "porno-block" and chilaxin with some hot fudge and whipped cream.

The people behind us at Red Robin were talking about going to the Drive-In to watch the A Team. And then it hit us, that sounds totally like fun. We finished up dinner, ran to the dollar store to get some candy, then to her house so she could change her clothes in to something less restrictive, like pajamas, then to my house so I could do the same.

We got to the movies at about 8-ish, backed her Escalade in to one of the spot towards the back and made our own private movie lounge in the back.

We were half way in to the movie before we both realized that this wasn't really a movie that we were going to be in to a whole bunch. So we sat there and just talked for a while. Michelle was laying on my lap with her feet up on the side window and we just talked. And then, out of nowhere, this wave of horniness swept over me and I was a 16 on a 1-10 scale of horny.

I bent down and kissed Michelle on the lips. A few pecks quickly turned in to a straight up make-out session, and we were a tangle of pajama clad bodies in no time flat. We had blankets on us, but other than that, were completely in public view. It was kind of hot. Nobody could actually see what we were doing, although you probably could have guessed.

A few minutes later, we fought to free each other from our pajama bottoms, and under the covers she went. Her tongue could have been a contestant on America's got Talent, let me tell you. I came in under a minute. She came up out of the covers and we kissed again. The taste of myelf on her lips and tongue pushed me to a 20, and we switched places.

Now up until the point, I had completely forgotten about her clitty ring. My finger slid past her clit and I touched the ring. She jumped back, and I thought I had hurt her. I asked her, and she just sat there with this wild look on her face. I asked what was wrong, and she said that she just had the most amazing feeling ever when I touched her clit. I did it again, and she got the look again. I stuck my middle finger in her pussy and touched the ring with my thumb again. It was like I was shocking her, and I could feel her pussy tighten around my finger each time I did it. I actually counted how many times I touched the clitty ring, and it was 14 before she had a mind blowing orgasm.

She sat there out of breath for a minute when she told me that I should lick it and see what happened. I gladly obliged, and back under the covers I went. Her pussy was wetter than it had ever been, and I was careful to stay away from the clit ring for a minute while I enjoyed her thorougly wet snatch. The first time my tongue hit the clitty ring, she grabbed my hair. The second time, she pulled me by my hair closer, the third time I did it, she started to have another orgasm. I waited about a second between each time I licked it, and she would pull my hair harder. From the start of her orgasm, until she couldn't handle it anymore was better than a minute. That's a long time in orgasm time.

When she finally caught her breath again, we concluded that we should go back to my house and have some more fun.

So, for this next part, we will call it Michelle's clitty ring and butt sex!

Call it research, call it trying to find justification to my freakiness, but I have scoured the internet trying to find other women who truly like anal sex. The porn queens all do it, but for most of them it is just another way to get paid, and they put up with it. I have found a few blogs of women discussing it. One women described it as the "final frontier" in sex, and it was the ultimate way of giving herself up to her husband, and she used it "gift" for him. But she still never said that she truly liked it. I did finally find one women who would rather get plugged in the ass than the vagina because as she put it "with a cock in her ass and a finger in her snatch, she was able to get off harder and faster". Maybe I am a freak. I mean, since I discovered it, I absolutely LOVE it. I love the feeling of being fucked in the ass, I love the feeling of my ass being licked, I love the feeling of my ass being fingered.

So, last night, Michelle and I had just made each other cum for like the 5th time. My last time came from Michelle licking my pussy while furiously fucking my ass with my dildo. As we lay there sweaty feeling the cool air from the window pour in, we started talking about butt sex. She explained that she was apprehensive, and that it was "an exit only" orfice. So, we made a deal. If she let me play with her ass, I would go and get my clit pierced. We talked about it for a while longer, but ultimately fell asleep before any real decision was made.

Like an alarm went off in my head, I was awak 2 hours later at 4:15 this morning. Michelle's naked body was still asleep on top of the covers, and for whatever reason, I was wide awake. Ok, not for no reason, I was horny as hell. I got up and went to the bathroom, and when I got back to bed, Michelle had woken up. We lay there cuddling each other, and slowly working our way up to something else. One of the first things she asked me was if I was serious about getting the clitty ring. I asked her if she was willing to try the butt thing. She was still apprehensive, and now I was starting to feel guilty. If she really didn't want to do, I shouldn't force her to do something she didn't want to do for a bet. I really wanted to get the clitty ring now (althought I am nervous as hell), and I shouldn't be using that "against" her. And that's what I told her.

We lay there for a while, and with the window open, I was starting to get cold. I told Michelle to go back to sleep, and that I was going to take a shower. I had only been in the shower a couple of minutes, when I decided to take care of myself. I had no sooner started when I heard the door open. Michelle climbed in the shower with me, and we started going at it AGAIN!

We both did end up getting clean, but we didn't bother to dry off before going back to bed. As we lay there kissing, Michelle said she wanted to try the ass thing. This excited me more than you know, and I reached over to my night stand, and grabbed my silicone lube. As she lay on her back, I had her pull her knees up to her breasts, and I dove in to her pussy, telling her that if she lets her legs go, I would tie them up. I was kind of playing a little game with her. I discretely put some lube on my fingers, and gently rubbed it on her asshole. From the initial reaction, it seemed like she liked it. I slowly stuck the tip of my finger in, then back out. Still okay. I put some more lube on my finger, and played with her ass some more. After about five minutes of just going slow, I had my middle finger all the way in her ass. I continued to lick her pussy, purposely staying away from her clitty ring while I slowly fucked her ass with my finger. To my amazement, she told me to try doing two fingers. I obliged, but did it really slowly. Once I had both fingers in her ass, I started licking her clit. Before I knew it, I could feel her ass muscles clench up as she started to cum.

As we lay there, she said that she really did like it, and was kind of interested in seeing what it would be like to try my toy. I knew it was too early to try something that big, and she had to go home anyways, and then go check on her Grandma.

She left an hour and half ago, and when she gets back her in a couple of hours, we are going to call and get me in to have my clitty pierced. I am SCARED TO FUCKIN DEATH. But Michelle assures me that although it does hurt, it's not that much different that having a tatoo. While we are there, Michelle is going to get her tongue pierced, and depending on how much the clitty thing hurts, I might do that too. I guess we will see.

I will let you know how things go.
Kisses
Sammy

Yeah yeah yeah, it's me.

I had an interesting weekend. It started out with Michelle waking me up at 3:30 in the morning on Saturday. She has had a harder week than me, and wanted someone to talk to. We talked for maybe a half an hour, and in that half hour, went through 3 bottles of wine. The talking led to some serious making out, which led to both of us naked on my couch, which led to................both of us passed out on top of the covers in my bed.

We woke up at 10:30 when my doorbell rings. I stumble out of bed with a raging headache only to find some girls from Finland trying to sell magazine subscriptions. I close the door, and Michelle is still sleeping. I know she has gotten no sleep in the past week, so I let her stay in bed. I take a shower, do some grooming, and when I have drained my water heater, finally get out.

I am eating some cereal, watching Iron Chef America when Michelle stumbles out. We sit and talk for a while while the waterheater catches up, and "self-shots" from our cell phones come up. I have nothing risque on my new cell phone, but I pull out my old razr and show her all of my old pics. She pulls out her phone, and I see all of hers. She knows about my blog and proceeds to make me a deal, or a bet. She tells me that if I put a naked picture of myself on my blog, then she will shave her pussy and pierce her clit. I know that sex will be out of the question with her for a while, so I say no. At this point, I really don't think she will go through with it, so I flip it around on her. I tell her that if she does the clit thing first, I will post the pic. 3 hours later we are in Pocatello and she is getting it done. So, yeah, here is my naked picture.

So far, she absolutely loves it and is telling me that I should get it done. I don't see it happening, but who knows. I have done stranger things.

Until Saturday, Michelle had never seen my blog, and now that she has, I was reluctant to "kiss and tell". But she assures me that it's totally okay with her, and she likes being able to go in and read it. I may be updating this blog more than I have been. We will see.

I may take the picture down once she reads it.

Sorry, been a tough week.

Since my last post, it has been a tough week. It has taken everything I can muster to hold it together, and I am doing a lousy job of it. 

Last Thursday evening I get a call from a dear family friend, Aunt Judy. She is not really my Aunt, she isn't related to me in any way, or to my foster-mom, but she was my foster-mom's next door neighbor for a long time. Well, anyways, we keep in touch. About once a year she will take me to dinner and we will catch up, and because she works where I bank, we will see each other there.

Judy doesn't really have anyone. Her husband left her when their only daughter graduated High School, and with her daughter now living in Tennessee with her own family, she only has her friends to lean on. So, anyways, I get a call at about midnight, and if not for the caller ID on my cell phone, I wouldn't have known it was her.

I know if she is calling me this late, there is something wrong. So that is kind of how I answered the phone. I said something like, "Hello, Aunt Judy, what's wrong?" She answered my saying that "something is wrong with me." But her words were slurred horribly and really slow. BOOM! I went in to panic mode and had to keep myself from scaring her more by showing my panic. I told her that I was going to call 911, and I would call her back in 2 minutes. I knew what it was, a stroke of some kind.

I called 911, explained what was going on and hightailed over to her house. She lives in a tiny house on the numbered streets, and I live at least 5 miles and 15 stop lights away. I kept her on the phone the whole time, telling her to stay sat down, and not to talk, only to say things like "huh uh" or "uh huh". I was only a mile or two down the road when she stopped answering me, and less than 2 minutes later, I could hear the ambulance and fire truck over her phone. The sirens were followed by pounding on the door, and some muffled yells before someone broke down her door. By the time I got there, she had passed away.

That was fucking tough.

So, her daughter comes back with her kids and husband and make arrangements for a funeral, which they held on Monday. So I go through all that, and am still pretty shaken up, but I am keeping my emotions in check, and I am doing okay.

So, now it's Tuesday morning. I go to the gym, work out for a couple of hours, swim for a half an hour, spend time in the sauna, spend time in the steamer, take a quick shower, spend some more time in the hot tub........Yeah, I have been at the gym since 4am, and after my final shower I leave at about 7:30. Get in my car, and go a different way so I can get gas at a gas station I like because they have good drip coffee. Light turns green 2 cars ahead of me, first car goes through, car ahead of me starts through and they are hit by a big jacked-up Chevy Duramax doing about 50 (thinking he can beat a light that has already turned). The car in front of me is hit so hard that pieces of the car come back and hit my truck, the car flips twice before coming to rest on the drivers side leaned up against a steel light pole.

I am out of my truck before the smoke has even cleared and I am running up to the car. I didn't think about when I was behind her, but I knew I saw a car seat in the back of the car. I am the first one actually to the car, and I start to crawl through the broken back window. There, in an old outdated car seat, was a baby of maybe 6 months old. The baby was hanging by it's legs through the car seat and I start screaming that I need a blanket, call 911................I don't even really remember what I said. I gently free the baby from the seat belt of her seat, and I slowly back out of the car, using only my elbows (on the broken glass). It just so happens that where this wreck occurred is less than a mile from the hospital, so I have this older lady telling me that she is a nurse, and she can help. I didn't want to let that baby out of my arms until the ambulance got there. She was screaming and crying and had little cuts all over her, and I knew I just couldn't give her up. The ambulance got there right away (the wreck was 50 feet from a fire-station), and the paramedics took her from me. The mother wasn't so lucky, she didn't make it. I find a little bit later from someone who knew her that her husband was in prison for something or other, and the baby was placed in foster care because she had no relatives that were "able" to take her.

It broke my fucking heart, knowing that baby was probably going to spend her whole fucking childhood in foster care just like I did. So, I went home and finally just cried. I think I cried for an hour straight. I actually cried for so long that I couldn't stop. 

I haven't seen Michelle in more than a week and a half because she is visiting her mom. I talk to her every night, and although we are just "fuck buddies" right now, I still don't feel like I can tell her what I am going through emotionally. So I have been sitting around, watching TV, and feeling sorry for myself.

Okay, well, here is the kicker. Remember Lacie from my story about Las Vegas? Well, I get a call last night from a mutual friend who just found out that Lacie killed herself that afternoon by overdosing on Ambien (or one of those sleeping drugs). She didn't leave a note, and didn't leave a hint about shit. She just upped and fucking killed herself. Lacie has always been one of those girls who was always just on the edge of depression. Even in high school, there were times where is was so bad it was manic. (She was a cutter). Everything that happened bad to Lacie was the worst thing ever, and you knew that someone was going to have to help pull her from her gutter and get her back on her feet. Michelle and Lacie were the closest, and by the time I called Michelle back, she had already heard and was absolutely devastated. I mean, I am too, but to hear Michelle be that devastated was really hard, and when I hung up the phone with her, I totally fucking lost it again.

I slept in this morning and didn't go to the gym. Michelle called me at about 9 to tell me she was catching a flight back home. I talked to a dozen different people on the phone all morning, and sat around waiting for Michelle to call when she landed at 3:30. 4 comes and goes, then 5, then 5:30............I lost it again. Michelle doesn't want to call because................Michelle doesn't want to see me because.................................yeah, yeah, boob boob boob. I pulled myself up at about 6:30, showered, and went to Starbucks on the west end to get a frappacinno. She called me about 8 and said that the second she landed, her phone was overloaded with messages, one being from Lacie's mom who wanted Michelle to come over right away. So, that's were she was. I was a boob for nothing. Well, not really nothing, it has been a fucked week.

2 weeks of the hottest sex I have ever had

Michelle left this morning to go on a month long cruise with her grandparents. When she left, we made the decision that if the opportunity arose, we would "see" other people. We have spent every waking minute together these last two weeks, but we are just having fun. We have talked about a "relationship" on quite a few occasions, and neither of us want to commit exclusively to the other.

It is great that she doesn't want a commitment from me. I just don't see myself spending any real time with her. She has a ton of quirks that I can't get over, she is messy, chews with her mouth open.........just stupid shit. But I have gotta say, they girl is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC in bed. (And anywhere else).

So, the first night we spend together in Jackson, Wy was decent enough. There was a lot of cuddling, kissing, hugging, holding each other and intimate sex. When we woke up in the morning, we took a shower together, and that started getting pretty hot. We made each other cum before ever getting out, then spent the day shopping and hanging out. That night, we went to the store and got bottle of Vodka and some orange juice. Both of us ended up getting drunker than we figured we would get, and passed out with out clothes on in bed.

On our way back, we talked about sex the whole way. Before we got even halfway, my panties were soaked, and I was over the edge horny. She asked me to masturbate in front of her, so I took off all my clothes and did as she asked. I literally had to wipe off the leather seats because I was so wet. I then asked her to slip off her jeans, and then I took care of her too.

When we got to my place, our clothes were off before we damn near got through the door. We spent the next 8-10 hours having each other in every possible way imaginable. I couldn't get enough of her, and her of me. We fell asleep at about midnight, still naked and in each others arms.

The next morning, we took another shower together. Michelle got out before I did because I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. Low and behold, Michelle opened up my bottom drawer and find "old blue". She shoved it through the curtain, and with a little grin on her face, asked "what is this for?" I asked her if she really wanted to know, she said she did, so I rinsed and got out. I asked her again, and she said yes. I licked the bottom of it, and stuck it to the edge of the tub. I opened up the medicine cabinet, and took out my silicon lube. Slowly and surely, and in full view of Michelle, I slid "old blue" clean to the hilt in my ass. She just about lost it right there. She couldn't believe I was in to that, and found it super hot that I was. We went back to my bed where she proceeded to fuck my ass while licking my pussy. I came 3 times before I told her to stop. I tried to talk her in to trying it, but I couldn't. (Not this day anyways.)

I have way more to tell, but I have an appointment. Later gator.

It has been an odd week.

There is definitely something romantic about having a secret admirer. And, when you leave your mind to wander, it can be a little creapy.

So, I told you about the flowers left at my door, but that was only the beginning. I know that I just posted that part a few minutes ago (I'm an idiot and thought I posted it last Tuesday), but there has been more. So, apprently if you know someone's cell phone carrier, you can go to that website and send anonymous texts without so much as a signature.

I get a few text messages, completely harmless stuff. I finish some classwork on my computer, and go meet a couple of friends for coffee at Barnes & Noble. When I get home, there is a dead squirrel and feces all over my front door! Just kidding, but there are a bunch of rose petals around the front door, with a single red rose in a vase. The note on the rose simply said "Thinking of You".

Now, it's Thursday morning. I have gotten in the habit of getting up before 5 every morning. If I don't I feel like most of my day is wasted, and it's one of the best times to go and work out. Well, Thursday morning, I was wide awake at 3:50. (Might have something to do with me passing out on my kitchen floor after drinking myself in to a stupor. Or, I might have just fell asleep on the couch at 8). I get up, throw on my sweats, my sports bra and a hoody and decide I will ride my bike down to the gym. (It's only 3 or 4 miles).

This is just a side note: For me, the best part of working out at a gym is the shower afterwards. It's going to sound a little perverted and odd, but it really gets me going for the day. Being naked in a public place, showering next to other women showering, getting all soapy and clean, getting ready for the day...........Anyways, I digress.

I get back home, and I am in a SUPER good mood. The pills are working, I had a great workout, and I wanna do something fun today. I get back home, and there is a Teddy Bear at my front door with another red rose. The note said "I hope I am keeping you curious. I will reveal myself to you on Saturday."
Well, yeah, I am curious, and a little creeped out. Was someone watching the house for me to leave? Or did they drop it off on their way to work? Anyone who knows me, also knows that I get up really early. Did they knock on the door when they dropped it off? I thought about asking my neighbor, but she is a shut-in who watches soap-operas all day. The world could fall away around the apartment complex, and I don't think she would know.

I don't let my mind wander too far, I don't want to spoil my good mood. However, I do notice something about the day............I'm not horny. A lot of times I will take care of business when I get home after working out because it has made me horny. Not this morning, I am happy, but have no desire to do my normal routine. I get on the internet, and wouldn't you know it.........yeah, decreased libido. I can't have that. I like my routine, I like being a sexual person, I like thinking about sex. I will talk to my doctor on Monday because I know she is on vacation. Until then, no more pills.

I go and take another shower because I forgot to take shampoo and conditioner with me to the gym, and when I get out of the shower, there is another anonymous text on my phone. It said "I hope you enjoyed your workout! Still thinking about you and I can't wait to reveal myself to you." Now I am really creeped out!

But as I stop and think about it more, everyone knows that I work out nearly every morning. So maybe this "someone" actually isn't stalking me, and just knows me.

I am laying on my bed, still naked, thinking about what I am going to do today, when there is a knock on the door. Instead of hunting for my robe, and going through all those motions, I run over to the window to see if I can catch a glimpse of whoever is leaving me stuff. I look right, I look left, I look down, then repeat. Nothing. I am so engrossed in trying to see this person, when there is a knock on the door again, I am so startled, I hit my head on the window. LOL.

Forgetting I am naked still, I open the door to the end of the chain, and look out. It is Michelle (Not massage therapist Michelle, but Las Vegas friend Michelle). I tell her just a second, closed the door and took off the chain. First thing she said to me was "I can see you knew I was coming huh?" Yep, still naked. I apologize, and run in to my room and throw on some shorts and a tank.

I tell Michelle about all this weird shit happening, and she just kind of nods, and doesn't say a whole bunch. Then it hit me, she knows who it is. I grill her about it for a couple of minutes before she finally admits she has an idea on who it is, but isn't going to say shit.

Michelle and I spend the day hanging out, (She had the next 4 days off because they were replacing the servers where she worked), and end up at another friends house drinking wine coolers in her backyard until the sun went down. We leave this friends house, and I realize that I don't want to spend the night alone. (Not that way!), and ask her if she wants to get some movies and junk food and stay over at my place for the night. She agrees and we find one of those RedBox things at a store and get way more movies than we will watch in a night. We ended up falling asleep on the couch together some time before midnight.

I wake up at six, sore as hell from sleeping on the couch, and then wake Michelle up to tell her I am going to work out, and if she wants to sleep in my bed, she is more than welcome. I drive down to the club, and it is extremely busy. (Friday's always are.) I only do a short workout because I am tired of waiting for machines, don't shower, and drive back home.

There was nothing waiting at the door when I got home, which was kind of a relief. Michelle is showering when I walk in. I really had to pee, so just walked in. I excused myself from barging in on her, and she said it was no big deal. We visited while I went pee, and then I asked her if she was hungry, or wanted some coffee.

I was in the kitchen when she came out only in a towel. She asked if I had any baby oil and I told her where it was. I didn't take my pill yesterday or this morning, and was already feeling a difference with my libido because the sight of her wet body under that towel was enough to get the juices flowing. I had seen her naked before, and had even "done things" with her in Vegas. But this was different, or so it seemed. I certainly wasn't going to try and take it to another step with her, but it was comforting to know that I was feeling horny again.

When the coffee was done, I went in to ask her what she wanted in it. And wouldn't you know it, she was standing in the bathroom, stark ass naked, rubbing baby oil all over her body. Holy shit! Now that was quite the sight, let me tell you. It took everything I could muster to not ask her if she needed help. Well, I didn't have to. She asked me if I would rub some of the oil on her wet back.

God, let me tell you how difficult that was. I was doing my best to rub the oil in a "non-sexual" fashion, and was just looking at it as a job. That wasn't easy. I was trying to do my best not to stare at her breasts in the mirror as I was doing this, and then in a movie moment, our eyes met. Then she dropped the bombshell.

"So, I was going to wait.........but what would you say if I told you that I was your secret admirer?"
"Really? Or are you just fuckin with me?"
"I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I can't. I have to know what you think?"
"So it really is you?"
"Yeah, ever since Vegas, I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, is that okay? I didn't really know how to go about this, but I didn't wanna just come right out and say it. I wanted it to be kind of romantic."
"Wow, I would have never guessed. It's cool. I just would have never guessed."
"But what do you think? Do you like me like that too?"
"I mean, yeah.........." Honestly, besides Vegas, I never thought of her that way, and told her so. "But, I think it's awesome. Are you, like, a lesbian now?"
She was quiet for a second. "I don't know. I just know that I can't stop thinking about you, and I want to see if we can take it somewhere else."
Instead of answering her, I turned her around and kissed her. We kissed for a few glorious moments when she asked "What are you doing Saturday?"
I told her that I didn't have any real plans other than meeting my secret admirer. We both laughed.
"Do you want to go to Jackson Hole?"

I may have gone in to a little bit during my Vegas story, but maybe not. Michelle is 24, and comes from a uber-wealthy family. Michelle's dad came from a wealthy family, and even though no one really knows it, is one of the wealthiest people in town. Michelle's mom lives in San Diego, and is of all things, are cardiac surgeon. To hear Michelle tell it, she is a bitch that likes to shower her kids with gifts instead of love. Anyways, Michelle is a trust-fund kid who has more money than anyone her age should have. When she turned 18, she got 25% of a million dollar trust her grandparents set up. She will get another 25% when she goes to buy her first house, and the remainder when she gets married, or turns 30. So, yeah. I think you get it. Oh, and I didn't mention that this money has been collecting interest since she was given the trust at 18?

Back to the story. She tells me that although it wasn't planned for Saturday, she did want to take me to Jackson after she told me, and assuming I was cool with it. Mind you, she is still standing naked in front of me, her body only inches from mine...........I had gotten my horniness back, and it was flaring up like a gasoline fire. I so bad wanted to have my way with her, but she had other ideas. She tells me that she wants to do this right, and wants to see if we can have a relationship, if I was cool with that idea. I told her I was. She gently excuses herself, and goes to my room to get dressed.

We hung out all day yesterday. We went to Barnes & Noble and had coffee and talked until ten or so. Then we decided to go buy some bread and go down to the river and feed the ducks and geese. When we ran out of bread, we took a nice walk, just getting to know each other better. I opened up to her more than I had to anyone since my shrink, and I learned a great deal about her too. Just before the lunch crowd came streaming in, we walked in to a sushi restaurant right along the greenbelt to eat a light lunch.

After lunch, we drove over to her house because she had to go around and pay some bills. We just talked and talked, it was great. It was after two when we decided to go see a movie, but when we got there, there wasn't really anything either of us wanted to see. At one point, it was almost starting to feel forced, but it was just new, and I was really digging it.

When the movie thing didn't work, we just went for a drive. I don't even know where we went, but we drove around for the better part of two hours. Just talking and flirting and having a really good time. She had to go over to her dad's house for dinner, so she dropped me off at my place around 4:30. We made plans for her to pick me up at about noon today, so I better pack some shit and get my ass ready!

WOW!

A little depressed.

Zoloft! Now with Retsin.

That's what the Doc put me on. The appointment was actually for my "yearly", but I also knew she would know if I needed to be on something or not. Turns out she did.

I am still just as confused as I ever was. And there must be something about me that women just don't like. I don't get it. There have been a couple of ladies that I have tried to strike up conversations with on Stumbleupon, but that has never really worked out. I guess it is what it is. When you are trying to talk to someone while they are stumbling for PORN, it doesn't make for good conversation.

There is one that I have talked to that I think is the exception, but I have come to the conclusion that a lot of the other "females" that stumble are actually men. I see what they "like", and it just doesn't seem to be the kind of thing that women like...........but I could be wrong. I don't know what all women like (obviously), but it's just an observation.

So, last night, I am sitting in my empty apartment flipping through the channels on TV. I had just gotten out of the shower (an hour before), and was still naked. There was a knock on the door so I ran to get my robe. It took forever to find the stringy thing that ties it together, and when I got to the door, no one was around. There was a huge boquet of flowers though with a note that simply said "Thinking of you a lot lately" with no signature.

I didn't even bother to close the door and ran over to the window to look out over the parking lot. Nobody was walking away, no cars driving away, and no cars that looked familiar. I am definitely intrigued. The list of people that could have left it is quite long.

Just a quick little post.

Yeah, the whole lesbian thing hasn't worked out so far. Michelle turned out to be, well, crazy. Once I really got to know her, I found out that I didn't like her all that much. She moved out over the weekend, and is actually moving out of state. I feel guilty, but I am a bitch.

So, as far as being a lesbian, I guess I jumped to conclusions way too quick. I still don't want anything to go with a guy right now, but as it turns out, don't really want anything to do with women either.

At the urging of a friend, I am going to see a Dr. tonight to see if I am depressed. The way she put it, "Who wouldn't be depressed with all the shit you are going through?" Valid point. We will see what the Dr. says.

Totally ouf of character for me and a revaltion.

 Saturday night I was simultaneously playing Farmville and Stumbling when I get a message at the bottom of Facebook saying that Darren wants to chat.

A little background on Darren. I met him the night I graduated from High School. Some friends and I were at a party and he comes up and starts hitting on me. I didn't let it get to me, but he was quite the charmer, and super fine.Did I mention that he was 12 years older than me?  We see each other a few times, and we start to have a real good time together. For one reason or the other, we had never had sex. Like I said, we had gone out quite a few times, and had done other stuff, but I just didn't feel like I wanted to have sex with him. Well, Darren goes to Wyoming for a job interview to work in the oil fields. When he gets back home, he tells me he got the job, and is moving to Wyoming.

Well, that night, we go to dinner and then back to his apartment. He gets a call from his mom, and goes in to the other room. I sat down at his computer and started playing solitaire. Well, solitaire got boring, so while the solitaire game was down in the task bar, I started snooping through his computer. Yeah, you guessed it. Okay, well it wasn't exactly kiddy porn, in the way that I think about kiddy porn anyways, but it was porn with girls who obviously weren't 18. And then it hit me..................I look like I am about 15 anyways. That is this guys thing. He wants to fuck a 15 year old, and I am the next best legal thing.

It kind of grossed me out, and I had a real big problem with it, but I still fucked him that night, and haven't talked to him since.

So, back to Saturday night. The chat window comes up on Facebook, and it's Darren. I was only half talking to him while he asked what was going on, that he heard about my accident, heard about my new place.....blah blah blah. He tells me he is in town for a funeral, and he is leaving Thursday, more blah blah blah.  I am done with Farmville, and really done with Facebook for the night, so I tell him that I am going to bed, it was good talking to him.................good night. Then he asks, what I was doing tonight. I told him to read what I just wrote, and that I was going to bed. He writes back, "Oh, Okay." Here is where the "totally out of character" thing started for me that night.


I don't know what came over me, but I typed back "Why, did you wanna come over and Fuck?" Okay, I literally hit the enter button and instantly wanted to take it back. He comes back with "Yeah right, I was just asking. You don't have to be like that." To which I answered, "No, I am serious. Do you wanna come over and fuck?"

For those of you that read my blog, you will understand what I am about to tell you. This is totally out of character for me. Number 1, I have pretty much swore off guys. Number 2, see number 1. In that back of my I started thinking that this was going to be proof for me, once and for all. Either I was Bi, and truly wanted to be with both sexes, or I was a lesbian. I really wanted to know.

 So, Darren types back asking if this was some sort of trick. I assure him that it's not, and that I am serious. I send him my address, and tell him if he comes over right now, we can have some fun. He tells me he will be right over.

By now, my hear is pumping and I am really on edge. I jump in to the shower really quick, and no sooner got the towel on me and the water shut off, he was at the door. Well, no point in getting dressed now just to get undressed in a few minutes, so I walked out with only the towel on.

His jaw dropped when he saw me, and I kind of did the same. He was a lot more muscular than I remember him, and was looking really good. The door shut behind him, we exchanged some pleasantries, and gave me a hug. Well, my towel wasn't on that good, and it fell to the floor. Immediately his hands were on my bare ass, and my pussy started quivering. I looked up at him and we kissed. With our tongues locked together, he lifted me up with his newly stronger arms, and carried me over to the couch.

I am not going to write the rest down like some Erotica story like I do sometimes, I am just going to tell you what we did. We no sooner got on the couch that I had him out of his clothes. Seconds after that, I started giving him the blowjob of his life. I have to admit it, I know how to suck some mean cock, but no matter how dirty and nasty I tried to make it, it still felt like I was a hooker just doing a job. I climbed on top of him and started fucking him. I was being super loud, telling him to pull my nipples, to fuck me harder, to pull my hair. And wouldn't you know it, 2 minutes in to it, he was spent.

We sat on the couch, both out of breath with his cock still inside me. I wanted more. I wanted to get as nasty as possible and have hardcore porno sex. Thinking about it after he left, I guess I wanted to experience hetero sex at it's most intense just so I knew I gave it all I could. We sat there some more, and he was acting a little sheepish, like men do after they have just had an orgasm when I whispered in his ear, "If you can get hard again, I will let you fuck me in the ass!" I climbed off of him, and took the condom off of his slowing growing cock. With the condom off, I once again put my mouth on him. The taste of latex and cum wasn't all that enjoyable, but I wasn't going to let it stop me. By the time I had him cleaned off with my mouth, his cock was as hard as rock again. I told him to hold that pose while I go get something.

I go in to my room and get my bottle of Wet Platinum. It's a silicone based lube and perfect for what I use it for. I just about closed the drawer when I decided to grab another condom. I get back in to the room, and he has his cock in his hand, trying to keep it hard. What I said to him was right out of a porno or something. "If you're having trouble staying hard, watch this." I put the rubber on first, because putting it on second can be counter-productive sometimes, then leaned over the edge of the couch and started pouring lube down the crack of my ass. I re-capped the bottle, and started fingering my asshole. The next time I looked down at him, he was rock hard again.

I asked him if he had ever done it this way before, and he said he had. I didn't believe him, but it didn't matter. While he was still sitting down, I turned around, grabbed his cock and slid it in to my butt. I had all of the control this way, and certainly didn't want to give him any of it. I got off, grabbed the lube, and put some more on his cock. I started again, and within a few seconds, I was fucking my ass with his cock.

This lasted maybe a minute, not much more. I started coming back up, and his cock fell out of me. When I reached down to put it back in, he was going limp. So much for that. He apologized, (over and over), I said it was fine (over and over). I still wanted more. I wanted to fuck until I couldn't anymore. We sat there for a few minutes, just chit chattin, when I suggested we take a shower.

So, I get in the shower first, then he steps in. His cock is starting to get hard again so I wash him all up, get on my knees, and start blowing him again. He grabs the back of my hair and starts fucking my mouth, and I am kind of getting in to it when I feel his balls tighten up and BOOM! Yep, you guessed it, he fills my mouth with cum. Now I am kind of pissed off. He couldn't keep it hard when he is FUCKING ME IN THE ASS but I start blowing him and he cums that way.

I finish washing as he tells me how amazing I am (over and over), and I get out of the shower. By this time, it's getting close to midnight and I am feeling hornier than when I started. I honestly start going over in my mind who else I can call that would actually give me a good hard fucking. I walk out of the bathroom feeling like a whore, but I didn't care.

I go and lay on my bed face down, and start pondering what I am going to do. I reach down and start playing with my clit and I find that my pussy is still sopping wet. I kind of start getting in to it when from out of nowhere, Darren starts licking my ass. I don't stop playing with myself but he doesn't care. He is licking my ass like he is trying to win a game, and it is awesome. So awesome that I came seconds after he started. Well, for the next ten or fifteen minutes he is going to town on my ass, fingering my pussy and clit and I am starting to enjoy myself. Then, he lifts me up, and without a condom on, sticks him cocks in to my ass again. (The condom thing I didn't know for sure until later, but I suspected). This time, he doesn't go limp, he actually fucked me for the better part of ten minutes. I came  7 MORE TIMES. Yeah, it was fucking awesome. When he did finally go, he pulled out and came all over my back and ass.

His out of breath ass collapsed on the bed next to me, and I just lay there for a second. And yeah, I got what I wanted. I got up, and got back in the shower. While I was in the shower, I douched and really washed everything. And I had a big smile on my face. Not because I got the fucking that I wanted, it was because I finally knew, once and for all, that I was done with men.

I tried to be as nasty as I could, do things and kinky as I could and get fucked as hard as I could. But the whole time all of that was happening, I kept thinking that if I could find a girl to do all of that to me, I would be fucking set.

Here is me in a nutshell: I like sex, I like to be fucked, I like it in the ass, I like to be kinky and I don't want any of those things to come from a man. I am done. After I sent him packing, and telling him no, don't call me tomorrow, I lay in bed and looked up at the ceiling with a smile on my face. I am gay. Once I said it in my head, I said it out loud. "I, am, gay!"

I wanted so bad to call Michelle right then and tell her to come home. I really did miss her, and I wanted to be with her. It could wait until tomorrow. I fell asleep with that same smile on my face, and woke up to Michelle sitting in my Lazy-Boy, sound asleep.

Yes, we have finally talked and I told her about everything that happened. I told her about my Blog, my time in Vegas, my blue suction cup dildo, Stumbleupon, everything. She told me about what she did when she was gone, told me about how often she masturbates thinking of me, told me about how often she does those "special massages" to clients, and how often she gets huge tips because of it. When talked until 3pm before we went to Arby's to get something to eat.

When we got back, Michelle read my blog (and is kind of pissed that I used the name Michelle), and we talked some more. Her and I have come to the conclusion that, at least for a while, we are going to do this blog together. She admitted to me that it turns her on to read it, and we decided together, that it would be a turn on to write it together.

We kissed for the first time and I swear to god I felt it in my fucking toes.


Well, the next time you read something on here, it could either be from Michelle or Myself.



















I a

Kind of on a roll tonight

I took like 5 hour nap this afternoon, now I am WIRED, and in a mood.

My current fascination with anal bothers me a bit. Well, it doesn't really bother me, I just wonder if it is okay. I mean, yeah, anal is okay when done properly, and has been a popular sex practice for thousands of years. But I am on the verge of being gay and I still want that "fuck in the ass".

I bet I do it 4 times a week, sometimes more. I have more intense orgasms that would've ever thought imaginable by fucking myself in the ass. My blue suction cup is my toy of choice. And shit got really inventive when I found out that suction cup dildo sticks nicely to my workout ball that I got for physical therapy.

It's making me wet talking about it.


By the way, Michelle still hasn't called or texted me. I drove by her other work, and her car wasn't there. I still don't know what I will do when I do get hold of her. What if she really is in love with me?

Teenagers............Yeah, I know.

I am a slut, and have been since I was 12. There, I said it. I wasn't alone in my slutiness, most of my friends were sluts. (Including the good little Mormon girls). But I have to say, with all the fuckin, and sextin, and phone sex I was in on, nothing takes the cake to the shit happening now with teenagers.

Okay, my friend Gina (no, I don't use real names, in case you couldn't tell) has 3 sisters, all of them younger. Gina is 21, and I will just say that. I don't want to get weird by saying their ages, but the youngest one is quite the freak. 2 weekends ago, while Gina was house sitting while her parents were on a cruise, she got on to her youngest sisters laptop. It's the only laptop in the house, so it's portable. That's the only reason she grabbed it. Upon snoopin around, she found numerous videos of her doing things with hairbrushes, toothbrushes, multiple fingers, and in multiple holes. Then, she finds one of her and two other girls with 4 guys. Like I said, I won't say her age, but you can figure it out.

WOW! Just her seeing the videos was illegal, we get that. I haven't seen them, nor do I want to. She put the laptop away, and acted like she saw nothing.

But wow...........an orgy with High School kids. Didn't see that one coming.

I don't know the limits about what I can write and what I can't that is illegal. I am scared about writing the stuff that happened to me before I was 18. But can I? Can I write about Gina's sister? I just don't know.

Just thought I would share.
Weird.

Unexpected happenings on a Friday night.

I had absolutely no plans to go out last night. I got a few invitations to do shit with friends, but I just didn't feel like it. I knew I had plans tonight that will probably keep me out until the sun comes up, so I wanted to catch up on some sleep and just chill.

So I am watching "Justified" and stumbling for porn when my roommate knocked on my closed bedroom door. Usually I would watch TV on my big screen out in the living room with my laptop in my lap. But last night, my roommate's mom came over and they spent the better part of the night gossiping about her Aunt and cousins. Anyhow, there was a knock at my door, and it was my room mate.

Me and her aren't exactly "buds". We get along great, but the most hanging out we have ever done is at home, or an occasional movie. We have never really had any "girl talks" before, and when she asked if "we could talk", I was a little surprised.

Rewind back to my story about her "taking care of my business" one time after a massage and keep that in mind as I tell you the rest.

She sits down on my Boise State Bronco's stool, folds her hands in her lap, and stares down at her feet. I was immediately on edge. My heart was pumping twice it's normal speed in anticipation of what she was about to say. In the back of my mind, I just knew it was going to be something bad. She didn't even look up at me when she tells me "I am going to have to move out."

All my breath left my body at once and I immediately stammered "Why? Is it a money thing? Because if it is, I have no problem floating your rent until you can get back on your feet. I mean............." She cut me off.

"No, it's not a money thing. I really don't know how to say this........" I was so ready to come out of my skin at this point, it wasn't even funny. When I saw the tear roll down her cheek, I almost fucking lost it right there.

"Oh my god! What's wrong? You gotta tell me!" I walked over to her, got down on my knees in front of her, put my hands on hers and said "Oh honey, what's wrong?" That's when she lost it. (Honey is not a word I reserve for special people by the way. I actually use it way to much, and on everybody.) She began sobbing uncontrollably, and I immediately went in to "fix it mode". "Take a deep breath! Tell me what's wrong. Why do you have to move out?"

It took her about a minute to contain herself again. I got up to get her a kleenex, and when I did, she also got up. "I am just going to say it. Here goes...........I am in love with you. I have been for months now. I can't handle living with you like this anymore. I know I am not someone that you could be with, and I just can't do it anymore. I am so sorry." And before I knew it, she was out of my room, and out the front door.

I sat there trying to absorb everything that just happened. Okay, really.....from the outside it looks like I have a charmed life (that's what I have been told.) But I really don't. Michelle (Not Vegas Michelle) has been my roommate for quite a while, and I never knew she was a lesbian. I have never seen her go out with a guy, and she has talked about guys, so why would I think that. Looking at it now, maybe it was naive of me to think that all those times she "took care of me" during a massage it was simply her taking it "one step further" and although it was sexual, it wasn't. Yeah, I get that. Fuck I am dumb.

I waited for a few minutes and sent her a text message asking her to come back so we can talk. She said she didn't want to make things weird, and would come back and get her stuff when I wasn't there.

I didn't answer for quite a while. I sat their and thought about what I wanted to happen here. Did I love her back? No. Did I want her to leave? No. Was I willing to have a relationship with her? I don't know. It's not an attraction thing because she is very pretty. It's not an age thing (even though she is 11 years older than me). It's not a sex thing, because let's face it, I don't have much for self control when it comes to sex, and will fuck just about any girl who glances my way. If I let her stay, does that make me a lesbian? Will I just be leading her on?

I texted her back, and she didn't respond. And she still hasn't. Her phone goes right to voice mail, and she won't respond to my texts.