More on Amy and my general confusion with the situation.

So, I made up a story that I had a meeting with a rental car company today to discuss my car needs for Anaheim in 2 months. I told her it would be a few hours, and that I would come and pick her up for dinner at 4 or so. I feel guilty for doing it, but I am really feel like I am at a crossroads, and I HAVE to make a decision to go one way or the other. I am not talking about my sexual orientation, I think I took that fork in the road a while ago. To the right is a relationship with Amy. A TRUE relationship, and not one built around half-truths and convenience. To my left is the opposite direction of Amy, and to continue on with my lonely, but mostly fulfilling, work filled life. Straight ahead of me is a sign that says Bridge Closed and I know that I can't go that way. So, I have to go one way or the other.

To go down the road opposite of Amy is to continue down the road I have been on. I have nobody to talk to (besides you, my constant reader), no one to share my day with, no one to look forward to seeing when I come home, nobody to share my bed with............I have been independent as far back as I can remember, and have never had anybody in my life that was there for me! (I am crying as I am writing this, and it fucking pisses me off). DEEP BREATH, SIGH, TAKE A DRINK OF MY ROCKSTAR. Because I am independent, it bothers me to have someone that wants to be with me, and wants to know how I am doing. I have feelings for her that I can't relate to, and have been telling myself for a long time didn't exist. As I sit here, I am missing her, and am thinking about going to get her and her bags, and bringing her back to my place.

So, here is what I am thinking................Do I continue to blog about Amy and I? I have been thinking about this, and have really been wondering. Do people who read this care about a relationship (ugh!) that I am trying on for size? Do people who read this, only read it for my sexual escapades? Do I write about my escapades with Amy? I don't think I want to write about our sex, but sometimes I really want to share the things I will be experiencing with her. But is that a violation of privacy? Nobody knows my real name on here, and Amy is just as unknown as I am. I do want to share last night though.

So, our first foray in bed was a huge blur. I don't remember much, that's why I didn't go in to detail. Our early morning tryst is a different story all-together.


We got back to my house, and both of our moods had changed considerably. Instead of the partly gloomy mood that had cast it's shadow over my apartment before, there was now happiness and giddiness. We sat on my step again, smoking a cigarette and talking dirty to each other. At first, we were just calling each other names and saying in a playful way, what we wanted to do. Like, "I am going to make you cum so hard you little slut, your mom is going to call and ask what happened." or "I am going to pull your fucking hair and make you eat my pussy like the whore you are." Just shit like that. But when she pulled my hair, and started whispering things like that in my ear, it was on like Donkey Kong.

I had made a comment out on the steps that I was her little slut, just going along with what we had already been saying, and when we got inside, she took control. She sat on the couch and "told" me to do a striptease for her. I faked it a little bit, but was probably naked way to quick. Then she told me that I needed to take off all of her clothes using only one hand, and my other hand should be playing with my pussy. I gotta tell you, it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Once all of her clothes were off, she grabbed my hand and took me in to the bedroom. She took the belt off of my silk robe hanging on the back of my door, told me to turn around, and tied my hands behind my back. With my hands now tied, she turned me around and pushed me on to the bed. As I lay there, I watch as she starts going through my dresser, and when she find what she is looking for, comes back and covers my eyes with a pink bandana. I know she turned the light on because I could see it coming through the top of my blindfold, but it didn't sound like she was in the room any longer. To be quite honest, she was gone so long, I damn near fell asleep. But the ice cube on my nipple a few moments later jolted be back in to consciousness.

I didn't know what it was at the time, but she had also heated up some chocolate sauce in the microwave. First, she would put the ice cubes on my nipples, and then drip the hot chocolate on them. Once she licked off the chocolate, she would do it again. Then she ran an ice cube from my neck, all the way down through my pussy, and down to my feet. But she did it agonizingly slow. And she did that a few times. She left the ice cube right at the top of my chest so it would continue to melt, and then started dripping the chocolate down my body. I just knew she had gotten some on my sheets when she made it down between my legs, but I didn't care.

After taking quite a while to clean up her chocolate trail, she moved back to the ice cubes. I knew I could fight it, but was relishing the attention I was getting. I knew that she had already gotten in to my nightstand and found my "collection", but wasn't expecting the feather. Hell, I forgot I even had it. It came as part of a kit with other stuff in it, and don't think it had ever been out of the plastic it came in. But she started with that fucking feather down at me feet. I am not all that ticklish, but that feather drove me nucking futs. She spent the better part of eternity going up and down my body with that damn feather.

I have more to write down here, but I am going to post this and go get Amy.

Hugs and Kisses.