Unexpected happenings on a Friday night.

I had absolutely no plans to go out last night. I got a few invitations to do shit with friends, but I just didn't feel like it. I knew I had plans tonight that will probably keep me out until the sun comes up, so I wanted to catch up on some sleep and just chill.

So I am watching "Justified" and stumbling for porn when my roommate knocked on my closed bedroom door. Usually I would watch TV on my big screen out in the living room with my laptop in my lap. But last night, my roommate's mom came over and they spent the better part of the night gossiping about her Aunt and cousins. Anyhow, there was a knock at my door, and it was my room mate.

Me and her aren't exactly "buds". We get along great, but the most hanging out we have ever done is at home, or an occasional movie. We have never really had any "girl talks" before, and when she asked if "we could talk", I was a little surprised.

Rewind back to my story about her "taking care of my business" one time after a massage and keep that in mind as I tell you the rest.

She sits down on my Boise State Bronco's stool, folds her hands in her lap, and stares down at her feet. I was immediately on edge. My heart was pumping twice it's normal speed in anticipation of what she was about to say. In the back of my mind, I just knew it was going to be something bad. She didn't even look up at me when she tells me "I am going to have to move out."

All my breath left my body at once and I immediately stammered "Why? Is it a money thing? Because if it is, I have no problem floating your rent until you can get back on your feet. I mean............." She cut me off.

"No, it's not a money thing. I really don't know how to say this........" I was so ready to come out of my skin at this point, it wasn't even funny. When I saw the tear roll down her cheek, I almost fucking lost it right there.

"Oh my god! What's wrong? You gotta tell me!" I walked over to her, got down on my knees in front of her, put my hands on hers and said "Oh honey, what's wrong?" That's when she lost it. (Honey is not a word I reserve for special people by the way. I actually use it way to much, and on everybody.) She began sobbing uncontrollably, and I immediately went in to "fix it mode". "Take a deep breath! Tell me what's wrong. Why do you have to move out?"

It took her about a minute to contain herself again. I got up to get her a kleenex, and when I did, she also got up. "I am just going to say it. Here goes...........I am in love with you. I have been for months now. I can't handle living with you like this anymore. I know I am not someone that you could be with, and I just can't do it anymore. I am so sorry." And before I knew it, she was out of my room, and out the front door.

I sat there trying to absorb everything that just happened. Okay, really.....from the outside it looks like I have a charmed life (that's what I have been told.) But I really don't. Michelle (Not Vegas Michelle) has been my roommate for quite a while, and I never knew she was a lesbian. I have never seen her go out with a guy, and she has talked about guys, so why would I think that. Looking at it now, maybe it was naive of me to think that all those times she "took care of me" during a massage it was simply her taking it "one step further" and although it was sexual, it wasn't. Yeah, I get that. Fuck I am dumb.

I waited for a few minutes and sent her a text message asking her to come back so we can talk. She said she didn't want to make things weird, and would come back and get her stuff when I wasn't there.

I didn't answer for quite a while. I sat their and thought about what I wanted to happen here. Did I love her back? No. Did I want her to leave? No. Was I willing to have a relationship with her? I don't know. It's not an attraction thing because she is very pretty. It's not an age thing (even though she is 11 years older than me). It's not a sex thing, because let's face it, I don't have much for self control when it comes to sex, and will fuck just about any girl who glances my way. If I let her stay, does that make me a lesbian? Will I just be leading her on?

I texted her back, and she didn't respond. And she still hasn't. Her phone goes right to voice mail, and she won't respond to my texts.